HElllllloooo everyone! Whats up?! I have actually been doing a whole fucking lot with my life in this vacation from work and school. I started a really awesome project the other day. That's what I keep doing and starting these "projects" of mine. I don't really know what I want to do with my life but I know what I truly love doing is creating. Creating art, in a lot of different forms. Whether its photography, clothing, hair, make up, paint, or paper and a pen I love doing it. I have decided I want to return to UC in the fall and I am not sure what I want to major in. I have been looking into english, journalism, even some DAAP programs and CCM. But this time its not theatre I'm all enthused about. I've been thinking about electronic media. I just want to create and make projects of my own and instead of listening to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about who was in 1 broadway musical tell me how to act, I'm going to learn how to work the camera so I can make my own television show, because bitch I'm already hilarious. There is some really cool quote that I am not looking up right now that goes a little something like this... if you are looking for a really funny movie out there thats real specific that you just cant find, make your own movie. If you aren't getting cast in shows, make your own television show. If there is a book out there you wanna read that isn't written yet, write it. Create something unique and new in this world that you can share that isn't there yet. Don't just copy your predaccesors, give and contibute to the beautiful world of art that surrounds us everyday that we dont even see.

So for my project, I decided to paint the walls of my room. I did this over night one night and stayed up until about 5 am. I like to invite friends to come over and paint with me, and leave a little mark of theirs on the wall in my room. It's so cool so see all different types of drawings and paintings and words and objects. I absolutely love it.

sometimes I look at our old pictures and wonder if you even remember me
I wonder if your family refers to me as the time you dated that crazy blonde freak... or if my name isn't mentioned at all. How could someone that meant the world to you at one moment in time mean completely nothing at a seperate moment in time. Our love wasn't real, from the moment it began. We were both looking for a fairy tale ending but what we got was real life instead. I didn't meet your families standards so you dumped me on the side of the road like yesterdays trash, and I can't thank you enough for letting me go. For you are definitely not the one I am supposed to live my life with, you made me insecure and you made me feel horrible about myself. You fucked with my young head and you knew what you were doing. Don't you think 19 is a little young? You were older and had been through love before and I hadn't. You swore the old you was gone and you were a new and changed woman for me. You wanted us to have a life together. You cheat on every one you make a relationship with. You were so beautiful to me and you picked me up and made me feel like no one else in the room mattered. You might say that you were entering the real world and I was too young but I need this time I needed this time to experiment and experience and just live my fucking life. You got to go through all of the things I am going through now. We used to say we'd end up together. I wonder what you think about that now. I wonder if you ever think about me or if you miss me at all. I wonder why I let your rejection sit in the back of my mind like an old book ina library that someone only picks up once a month just to remind themselves why they would never want to read it. How are you picking my brain a year later and urging me to write about you. MEmories are flooding back through my head as I sit here and look at pictures. You always said everything happens for a reason, but sitting here over a year later from our break up I can't find a reason for you, because I'm still falling for the same shit and I'm still getting hurt. Abby, oh abby, what did you do to me?