10 Things I Will Never Understand

It can be fun to be a mean girl. To sit around with your friends and make fun of everyone else for how hideous they are or how annoying their voice is or how much they remind you of Hermoine Granger. But doesn't it ever get old? I mean... isn't the end of Mean Girls supposed to come and everyone is hanging out with different people and we are all nodding at each other and able to make civil conversation? i think that is called growing up.

Trust me... I love sitting around trash talking everyone, especially the Lindseys... but after a while it feels like a wasted amount of energy hating on people that instead I could spend bettering myself. Think about it like this... if every time I made fun of someone I did ten push ups, my beautiful larger than life arm muscles chizzled by the Gods themselves... would be alot bigger than they already are... and if every time I posted someone on the dirty... I would have ran a mile instead... I would be a lot skinnier than I am now.. and I might have a lot more friends. Like I dont regret it... it was hilarious.. its just not time well speant...


Sometime I feel just as fake as the bitches I make fun of... and I really just want to be an honest person. I dont wanna talk shit just because my friends are or because they hate someone... in fact... most people hate certain people just because everyone else does. Especially at NKU. All of my friends went into that school hearing rumours about all of the teachers and the students already there. Adn they chose to believe them and accept that as the truth. All the people that everyone already hated.. they hated too. They talked the same shit baout the same teachers that they hadnever even had in class!!! I just wish people would get a brain of their own. Form your own opinions. Even if its different from others. Open your mind. I mean really open your mind to a blank slate... forget about all of the rumours you have ever heard about anyone or anything, and open yourself up to your own new and exciting expereince. And if the rumours were true they were true, but at least you cay say you gave it your all.

Most people arent as bad as anyone else makes them out to be. Its just a lot easire to say, "Oh my God I know I hate Laura Wahler too she is such a cocke dealing whore." Than to ask me out to dinner.

But next time you heard a rumour about someone... hang out with them. And see if its true for yourself. Or you just might make amother fucking friend.

2011

January 29th 2012.

Excuse me what? Could I wake up from this dream sometime in the next minute and return to December 2009 where I know real life is...

is it just me or does anyone else feel like we are living in the future?

I just turned 21 and its fucking 2012. People are getting married and having kids... and everytime I find out someone else from high school is pregnant I am like, "Ohhh MYYY GAWWWDDDDD WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?!" and then Lauren is like, "Laura she's like 21 and engaged. She's gonna have the kid." Like its just... normal to be having babies. I feel like we are sooooo fucking young still why is everyone preg and married??? #divorce #abort #kidding #lol

Anyway, I'm sure its been a while since I last posted in this sappy non existant blog anymore, but its like 4 am and I just moved home and I haven't done any drugs today so I can't sleep. I started smoking weed almost a year ago I think... January of 2011. Its really funny story actually... I was trying to clean my ratnasty apartment at Hampton Farms while my roommates were out. I am sure we were all fighting and sick of each other by that point. Anyway, I was getting ready to clean and noticed that I had no trash bags but I also had no money. So I text my friend Caitlin telling her my dilemma and out of the kindess of her heart she invited me into her home and was going to let me use some nice durable black trash bags, I think 3 to be exact. Well anyway we sat down and got to talking and mind you, I had just had a really bad break up, was struggling having my own first apartment, learning how to pay bills and such, and was really stressed out.

"Do you have any weed?" I asked her.
I couldn't believe the words that had just came out of my mouth. Caitlin, just as stunned as I was, with a smirk on her face, and in her low jazzy voice said, "Absolutely."

I was super nervous, my mom taught me that if I got too close to the microwave as a kid that I would get cancer. So she warned me about the deadly substance known as "marrriiijooooannaaaaa."

"You put your finger on this hole right here and suck for a minute until you get a hit, and then you can let go of the shotgun and inhale," Caitlin told me.

WHAaaatttttttt???

So I watched her do it first. Then it was my turn.

Inhale number 1...

"I don't think I got anything.."


Inhale number 2...

I definetely got something... having a small couhging fit, I could at least tell I was doing it right. After a few more of the repeated steps, all of a sudden things looked a little different. Along with the feeling in my body and head, my vision was a bit different. I was a little happier, and everything was a little funnier. And then I got hungry. Then I took Caitlin out and we *bought chipotle. And that was the first time I got high.

It was such a god damn fucking escape from the colourless world around me, not just the weed but the fun time I had smoking with Caitlin. Being nutty and crazy and laughing at everything we thought was funny. As loud as we wanted. Each day after that I was interested in smoking again... more and more...

and now its 2012 and the last year of my life feels like a crazy... crazy blur of just glitter, weed, alcohol, paint, sex, love, hate, tears, mess, lies, and orgasms. I did a LOT of crazy shit. Fucked up shit. ooops. my bad. thats why I have a tattoo that means sinner in greek. I would never change 2011 for anything.

And I can't wait to see what 2012 has in store....

hopefully some crack.

jk I think ima start working out a bunch oh and im like kind of a vegan. like... 90% of the time... its like my sexuality. Im such a wishy washy bisexual vegan fuck with fried hair.


ughhhhh. night

Waking up on my 21st birthday I was super excited to look down and pick up my cell to see the 50+ messages from all of my friends and or aquatences, you know like back in high school. Well to my surprise when I looked down at my phone there was only 1 text. And it was from this random girl who lives in dayton that I have hung out with once. Actually, she was with me the night I started drawing on the walls and painting a mural on my room back at my old apartment. Gee, I thought, times have changed.

Then the night of my 21st birthday party I was so excited for all of my friends to be there. New, and old, just to gather and meet everyone. And then my best friend since 6th grade who is only in town for another week didn't even show up.

Times are changing, Gale. We aren't all best friends anymore. And no one really cares. Everyone has there own lives that they care way more about and my friends are slowly fading into those people who only write on my Facebook wall on my birthday, opposed to a phone call or even a text.

We are all drifting. I'm 21. It's now or never. Its time to shit or get off the pot. This is the age where everyone stops caring about how much potential you have, someone once told me. And its true I mean, why should anyone care about what you COULD do or SHOULD do or WILL do. The only things that matter are the things you actually set your mind out to do.

I feel a new wavelength coming on. I feel change. and like Rafiki says... it is time.

ughhhhh I don't know I have just been thinking about a lot lately. As per usual and I have a topic I want to write about.

Love and monogamy.

Okay so depending upon what you believe... this article may not apply to you, I for one however do not believe that we were all just plopped down here one day, I strongly believe in the hard evidence and scientific facts of evolution. With that being said... I believe we evolved from the apes, hence we are animals.

I had a huge fight with this autistic kid on my bus every day after school. He would have all of his little animal toys out on his seat and be playing with them and me and this really mean bully kid named Jake would tell him, "You know Jonah... you're an animal too."

"I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! ANIMALS ARE GIRAFFES AND FROGS AND LIZARDS AND I AM NOT ONE!!!!"


"Jonah... you're an animal...."



and so on and so forth until we got tired of it.

However, humans are mammals, and mammals are animals. And I ain't never seen a dog get married... so its like, what the fuck are we doing thinking we are all high and mighty? Do elephants at the zoo make each other valentines day cards? No, they don't waste their money on construction paper and glue and rhinestones because their brains arent developed enough to let them think and process and watch movies and films and listen to songs about "love." So they are never given the oppourtunity to believe in the lie that love is.



“We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.”
- Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset


I mean... I think the Spaniard has a point.


You hear it all the time... phrases like, "girl/boy of my dreams."
"he's/she's everything I ever wanted."


We create the perfect person in our head and its just not out there. And dont even get me started on monogamy...


sex is soooo animalistic. and I feel if you can let yourself become animalistic during sex, and let that pure instinct inside of you just rip off the clothes of that person laying in front of you, or standing over you, or sitting at a diner table, or in the movie theatre.... wherever your sex may be, have fun. play a little. fuck like a wildabeast or a lion or a cheetah or even a cra cra zebra.