From the desk of 7251

It has been a while since I have come to my home in Cincinnati. Much less sat down and took the time to write. I was just wondering, do you think other teenage girls fantasize about Jay Leno? Not like, as in a sexual partner, but fantasize about their first interview on The Tonight Show? Do they plan out what they are going to say? Or their debuts with Ellen? The Today Show? Katie Couric? Even Chelsea Handler?

If anyone else does it would be nice to chat with you because I do it all the time. I plan out what stories I will tell from highschool, and funny thins that happened to me. Make believe clips of movies I want to be in.

Am I insane? Perhaps, but all the good ones are insane, and we're alot better in bed. ;)

Maybe twice a month I go on expedia.com and look up 1 ways to LA. They are about the cost of one months rent. Not too bad, you know. I dream of it. Something more. Something shinier. Some place warmer. I dream of auditioning for everything I can get my hands on and I dream of getting noticed. I dream of sitting in my one bedroom, writing into the wee hours of the night. Plays, scripts, books, songs, poems, lyrics. The same things I do here, but I would feel more glamourous in LA. Plus I could have these really awesome facebook pictures on a beach and everyone in Cincinnati would be in the cold and it would be awesome.

What keeps me from going? Fear. Society. People. I am not afraid to admit it. It's scary, dropping everything and going for something. Something that you have a one in bazzilion chances of accomplishing. But I have always felt special, and I have always had a great hair. So what else do I need for LA and Hollywood? Sure, I have as much talent as Lindsay Lohan has jail time but talent doesn't even matter. It is all about who you know. And... I know... the muffin man.

So basically cast me on SNL? Thanksbye.

And on December 8th 1990 when I was born, God said "Let Laura Be Akward"

So I just got home from the most awkward doctor's visit anyone could ever have. There I am just sitting on the stool chatting away to Mr Duffy, in no clothes in particular. I never dress up to go to the doctor, who would? You are sick. I am sick. Anyway, so I had never had this certain physician before, and I assumed it was an old woman who was almost grey who would check my blood pressure, listen to my chest, and write me a prescription for amoxcicyllian. That is what usually happens. But no, on this fine cold winter day at approximately 2:30 pm, a character of a different sort came in to my room. I told Shane Duffy I had to go and I would call him right back, and there in front of me stood the most attractive 29 year old male doctor I have ever had practice medicine on me before. He said hello and I said what's your name? I will not give out his name to protect his right of privacy.

Then I had to proceed to tell this cute doctor all about how I had diarrhea for a half an hour this morning because I ate really bad take out. I mean, do you know what it is like to tell someone you have diarrhea, much less tell someone who looks like they should be on Young and The Restless, and not taking care of snot nosed children at a doctor's office in clifton. So he asked me other things, and then asked if I had any lower abdominal pain, and I suppose the way I answered the question was weird because he asked me why I answered it with that tone of voice. Then I explained to him that I really needed to make an appointment with the gynocoligist but he couldn't help me with that. And lucky enough for me he told me he was not only a pediatrician, but he also praacticed OBGYN as well! So we made it a two in one visit right there in that room where rainbow dinosaurs hung out on the wallpaper. JUST KIDDING. Haha.

I asked *Roger* how old he was and he said he was 29, I told him he looked like he was 24. (I just kept babbling. I thought the situation was really funny and decided to make the most of it?") He said thank you and told me thought he was balding, and I said "Na, you just wear your hair like my 18 year old gay roommate!" hahahah. Like it was okay for me to say that to my doctor? I told him I hoped he didn't think I was mean and he said no and thought I was funny.

Oh, by the way. All of this happened while I was wearing a gay pride shirt that reads "Some Chicks Marry Chicks, Get Over It."

So my new doctor must think I am some weird lesbian freak who has diarrhea all the time and is awkward. Score.

Carly

I miss you the moment you kiss me Goodbye, and after every "I love you" on the phone. I am up late and you are sleeping, and when I am unable to sleep I just lay here for hours thinking about my life, your life, my plans, your plans, you, me, and us. Sometimes I wonder if we are right for each other, just ask Tiffany, we fight all the time. But then I start to imagine my life without you, and I just can't do it. I get upset and scared. You are so perfect, and so beautiful. In every single way. Sometimes I wish you wouldn't have gotten a cat, because then I wanted one, and right now mine is playing with the fucking blinds and interrupting my mood to write.

I used to blog all of the time, and you would be the first to read them. :) I love every single thing about you. From your white blonde hair to your septum ring to your skinny legs and to your toes. I love how quiet you are, and no one knows what you say but if you listen just right to you when we are out you say some of the most hilarious things. I love how you get messy drunk, because you dont hold back at all. Whether that is good or bad I still love it. You are cute and sometimes you try to have sex with me on the dance floor, and I know I have told you that I love that before. Other times, we fight and argue. Drunk or sober. But I would not change a thing about our relationship. Oh except you should cuddle with me more when we watch dexter. thanks. freudian slip. yeah, I know the word Fruedian. I also know different breads of dogs.

God, thinking back I have had so many nights with you. They are all my favourites. From laying on the couch watching to catch a predator or me getting nasty on you at a bar because you dont dance unless you are Wa$ted like kesha. Or going to plays at my school or THE NUTCRACKER! :) or going to watch dean and caitlin, or katlyn, or tiff, or shannon or nick and drag queens and trannys and blah blah blahhhhh. When did you get so gay? I think pride weekend transformed you.

PS I miss the fangs you bought for our 1 year. Please bring them back.

Well, I see there is a super mario game on facebook now, so I am going to go play it. You will probably beat my score though.

No matter what, in good times or bad, I will always love you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. And you are my vampire forever. 10.16.09

you let me be me. you are nothing like me. you love how weird and different I am. I could wear aluminum foil to a club and you would laugh your perfect laugh and love me for it. you don't judge me. we may not see eye to eye on things, or agree on everything. but we have a certain common ground and understanding of things, I believe. I know things are going to be okay and get back to normal. Back to perfect. We just had three eprfect days together,. Thy made me so happy. I love your hair, I love your smile, I love your nose, I love your face, I love watching you sleep and holding you. I love it when you do the tiniest little gestures like rubbing my leg if we are at a restraunt or bar or rubbing my back when we sit on my couch. I love that you are calm and able to not let things bother you. I have no idea how you do it. I love that we hate annoying dumb bitches together. I lo=ve when you let me paint your face at gaga. I love when you stand there and I dance like a black freak on you. I love that we have kitties as children. I love the way you say my name. I love when you tell me you love me. In text, on the phone or in person. I love loggin on to twitter and knowing you are talking to me. I lov when you bite my ear or just whisper into it breath into it or anytinh.g Look I spelled bite wrong. Like I used to. ohio avenue where are ouy. finer nail makrs and foot prints. I have your key forever to lookat. glitter and rhinestones. toyou are perfect. we need to get back to perfec.t

I love your septum ring. it makes you different that everyone. I love when you are smiling and happy. even though we fight and I watch you smile and laugh with my friends or other people I want you to always have that. I dont want you to be sad you do not desrve itl You always deserve to be happy I love you

Like, I fucking hate alcohol so much. Do you really think it is so cool that you drink and have pictures of yourself drinking and can tell stories of how wasted you were? That's not cool. You know what is cool? Abigail Adams. Sojourner Truth. The Pythagorean Therom. Art. Pick up a fucking book.

Drink a cup of apple juice. Like, just because you drink Four Loko, doesn't mean you're as LOKO as you think. OMYYGAWDDDD LOKO4DAYZ I AM SOOO COOOL AND NOW I AM FAT BECAUSE I DRINK ALL THE TIME.


oh... and those people who drink and drive.

"I do it all the time."

You know who else said that?

Every other person who drove and drank until they killed themselves.

You all think you are invinscible to the law but you aren't. And no one ever, EVER listens to anyone.

la

our generation is so fucked up. we live in a world where you are married, have a baby, and are divorced by age 25. nothing is sacred. nothing is special. nothing is real. kids are giving hand jobs before they know how to do calculus.

no guys open doors for girls. they hardly ever even go to the door to pick them up. just honk the horn. respect, courtesy, and manners have just completely gone out the window

I also just want to announce that just because you drink four loko, doesn't mean you are as fucking rad as you think they are. I was drinking four loko in my bottle straight out the womb, it's old news.

It is easier to adopt a baby these days, than deactivate your facebook account. I just tried to and I had to go through like 4 security phases of typing in weird phrases like ennunciated pugs and hauled sections.

Like, just because you update your status all of the time and upload tons of pictures doesn't make you fucking cool. And like don't update your status about how horrible your life is, because it's obviously extra fucking horrible if you have to put it on your facebook.

furthermore, if you were in a relationship for like ten years and then you break up and your status says "I miss you baby like the dark side of the moon misses the birds that fly south to the winter in harmony" like don't. Because 1 its retarded and like you think we dont know who you are talking about, well we do. And if your status is about someone, dont be a pussy! TAG THEM! THat is what its there for!! If you are super pissed at someone for fucking your boyfriend, then write FUCK YOU, BYE @LauraWahler.

Has anyone ever thought about how awkward it would be if you were attracted to your gynocologist? Like imgaine I walk in for s check up and there is some fine lady sitting there like put your legs up and then she just inserts herself into your business. Like, weird.

I am so happy about plent of fish . com