HElllllloooo everyone! Whats up?! I have actually been doing a whole fucking lot with my life in this vacation from work and school. I started a really awesome project the other day. That's what I keep doing and starting these "projects" of mine. I don't really know what I want to do with my life but I know what I truly love doing is creating. Creating art, in a lot of different forms. Whether its photography, clothing, hair, make up, paint, or paper and a pen I love doing it. I have decided I want to return to UC in the fall and I am not sure what I want to major in. I have been looking into english, journalism, even some DAAP programs and CCM. But this time its not theatre I'm all enthused about. I've been thinking about electronic media. I just want to create and make projects of my own and instead of listening to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about who was in 1 broadway musical tell me how to act, I'm going to learn how to work the camera so I can make my own television show, because bitch I'm already hilarious. There is some really cool quote that I am not looking up right now that goes a little something like this... if you are looking for a really funny movie out there thats real specific that you just cant find, make your own movie. If you aren't getting cast in shows, make your own television show. If there is a book out there you wanna read that isn't written yet, write it. Create something unique and new in this world that you can share that isn't there yet. Don't just copy your predaccesors, give and contibute to the beautiful world of art that surrounds us everyday that we dont even see.

So for my project, I decided to paint the walls of my room. I did this over night one night and stayed up until about 5 am. I like to invite friends to come over and paint with me, and leave a little mark of theirs on the wall in my room. It's so cool so see all different types of drawings and paintings and words and objects. I absolutely love it.

sometimes I look at our old pictures and wonder if you even remember me
I wonder if your family refers to me as the time you dated that crazy blonde freak... or if my name isn't mentioned at all. How could someone that meant the world to you at one moment in time mean completely nothing at a seperate moment in time. Our love wasn't real, from the moment it began. We were both looking for a fairy tale ending but what we got was real life instead. I didn't meet your families standards so you dumped me on the side of the road like yesterdays trash, and I can't thank you enough for letting me go. For you are definitely not the one I am supposed to live my life with, you made me insecure and you made me feel horrible about myself. You fucked with my young head and you knew what you were doing. Don't you think 19 is a little young? You were older and had been through love before and I hadn't. You swore the old you was gone and you were a new and changed woman for me. You wanted us to have a life together. You cheat on every one you make a relationship with. You were so beautiful to me and you picked me up and made me feel like no one else in the room mattered. You might say that you were entering the real world and I was too young but I need this time I needed this time to experiment and experience and just live my fucking life. You got to go through all of the things I am going through now. We used to say we'd end up together. I wonder what you think about that now. I wonder if you ever think about me or if you miss me at all. I wonder why I let your rejection sit in the back of my mind like an old book ina library that someone only picks up once a month just to remind themselves why they would never want to read it. How are you picking my brain a year later and urging me to write about you. MEmories are flooding back through my head as I sit here and look at pictures. You always said everything happens for a reason, but sitting here over a year later from our break up I can't find a reason for you, because I'm still falling for the same shit and I'm still getting hurt. Abby, oh abby, what did you do to me?

Reality Television absolutely killed tv. They think of the... and I am just going to say it... the most RETARDED shit these days. Like... Idol? Should have been over a LONG time ago. After Paula abdul dipped out it was all down hill from there. And to be honest without simon that show is nothing. I mean, I dont even know who any of the fuckin idols are expect Kellie fuckin Pickler. God she was a nice piece of blonde ass. Id tear that shit UP.

Do you ever want to take a loaded hand gun and shoot your radio in your car in the face? Like if I have to hear another fukcing Bruno Mars, KT Perry, or Adele song I am going to shit a brick and take said brick and slap Kiss 107 Fm in the mother humping jaw with it. I HATE HEARING ALL OF THOSE RE FUCKING TARDED SONGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Thank GOD for Born This Way... even though...

born this way...

like. marry the night.government hooker.judas. AMERICANO. HAIR. EDGE OF GLOR. you and I. BLOODY MARRY. Black Jesus...

other than that... honestly. I dont know what happened. I will give them a chance soon but they all sound the same OH MY GOD BAD KIDZZZ!!!! Love that. cant forget about that. I love you gaga but some of these are definitely throw aways... in my opinion. im going to stop myself. Im in love with you. you are great. but Im not going to follow you until I love you on this album. I mean

who are we kiddin

I am.

You know what... I hate going to restaraunts on the west side of Cincinnati because chances are when I enter the building I have harassed at least one of the waitresses or waiters online via Facebook, MySpace, Aim or Thedirty.com Sure enough tonight as I walked in to the LaRosa's on Glenway I saw about three fat hogs I graduated with from highschool. Excuse me, did I say hogs? I meant, hogs. Thats right. I don't know what it is about graduated from high school that says it's now okay to become a daily subscriber to Krispee Kreem but some of the girls sign right up the day school ends. And if there bellies aren't full of doughnuts, pizza, chipotle, and college boy sperm, its filled with a baby. Pregnant or fat. Those seem like some of the only options after high school to a young woman. I however have decided to take another route. Anyway, back to family dinner with the looneytunes. So... I used to avoid certain restaraunts on the westside, knowing that certain people I went to high school with worked at them, but these days anymore I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I like going actually, and I always like looking great and holding my head high. Like... I mean I know why people don't like me. It's because I make fun of them and act like a lunatic. But... here it is, I actually am crazy. There I said it. I'm coming out of the padded closet. But all famous people are crazy, and that 1 of my three aspirations in life.

1. FAME
2. SKINNY
3. BLONDE

Those are relaly the only three things I want in my life. oh. there are 4.

4. LOTS AND LOTS OF ORGASMS.

I like sex. But... I'm really getting side tracked from the story. So I stomped in to Larosas in a yellow t shirt and skirt that looked like a picnic table cover, ankle boots, a black blazer, eyeliner running down my face painted on the day before, messy blonde hair, and I feel like there might have been lipstick on my neck. Anyway, the key to be hated is to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS show off your confidence, and tits. If you have them... DO NOT BY ANY MEANS TRY TO SHOW OFF YOUR CLEAVAGE IF YOU ARE FLAT CHESTED LADIES!!!

Thats like having a small penis. Nothing good can cum from it. ahhh! ;)

So the ugly hostess sat us and up pops our waiter. "Fuck." I thought immediately. I totally posted his girlfriend on thedirty.com like last summer. Not only that but I once make a facebook status about his girlfriends friend that got trampled at our senior prom. It read:

"HAHAHAHAHAHA I just remember when Lindsay Jobst got trampled at prom."

Like... first of all... Lindsay Jobst had an orange face and a white neck. Like... two criteria which allows anyone to hate her. And for the most part... everyone did hate her and thought it was funny that she got trampled during sandstorm. Like I even remember one guy saying to me

"yeah dude we were all like fuck who are we stompin on man and then we found out it was that slut Lindsay Jobst with a orange face and a white neck so I stomped on her chest."

Like... LIT ER A LEE no one liked her. But as soon as I decide to make my status about her... EVERYONE AND THEIR BROTHER has to start defending her. Thats what people do. They talk shit about everyone until I finally say something out loud (or in writing sitting behind my computer where I can still say what I want but no one can punch me in the face) and then they act all fucking fake and start defending all of the ugly fuckers with warts on their faces that I talk about. It astounds me. I hate people. I just want to be a fuckign stand up comedian and tell these stories. BEcause I know that at least the general audience will at least laugh at me and then go home and talk shit behind my back like a damn good friend. I am a bad friend. I post shit ONLINE.

Back to the pizzeria...

So, my mom usually doesn't make me go to restaraunts where people would want to shoot me but I said I didn't care tonight. Well... then I got there and I saw all of the people there who hated me and what their reasons were and I was like fuck... someone is totally going to piss in my water tonight. Or like... my spaghetti is about to get FUCKED WITH. So I just want the staff of LaRosa's on Glenway to know that if you did fuck with my food tonight. Fuck you. I don't care. Props to you. At least you aren't still bitching about how I posted you on thedirty and not doing anything about it. And... if you didn't do anything... well this is just another example about the fact that I think people care about me WAYYYY more than they do because well, I'm famous. ;)

So halfway through the dinner my 21 year old brother who still lives at home who is engaged who has slept with his fiance less times than I have slept with my recent fuck buddy, starts talking about all of the exxxxpennnsiiiveeee food he eats and how him and his classy expensive girl friend have tried crab, and veil, and sushi, and blah blah blah boo boo boo no one is listening to you talk asshole. He and his fiance think that they are so much better than me because they try expensive food and they go to fancy restaraunts and because they don't get open containers and they dont drop out of college and they dont bleach their hair or get tattoos or have piercings or whatever the fuck it is that day that makes them better than I. But what gets me is that... YEAH, IM SURE YA DO HAVE LOOOADSSSS OF $$$$MONEY$$$$ to spend on fucking crab and veil because you mother fuckers dont have any goddamn bills to pay because you live at home and you are just playing fucking house.

ID LIKE TA SEE YA MOVE OUT! HOW MUCH VEIL YOU BE EATIN THEN ASSHOLES??? HUH????

I remember when my brother asked me if I had tried any form of Japanese food or if I had ever had veil and I said, NO DICKFACE I eat .99 cent boxes of spaghetti from kroger and thats how I get buy.

fucking veil.

You know what... I may be two years out of high school with nothing to show for it. I may have dropped out of school and I may have gotten fired from a few jobs. I may be partying too much and not taking life seriously. I may waste most of my money on cigarettes, weed, and hair bleach.

BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T GET FAT.

Infact, I've lost about 20 lbs since high school and I've never looked better than I do today. I dress how I want, and I act how I want. I may be a little too loud and a little too shiny and a little too blonde for the average housewife. But I'm not the average housewife. I'm the housewife who has an affair with another housewife. I'm the housewife who fucks my 17 year old high school gardener. I'm that housewife who runs away to vegas and does coke. I'm a fantasy. Housewife. The only fucking suburbia I belong in is Wisteria Lane, killin bitchez and fuckin highschool boys since 2009.

So be my guest... stay in the midwest. Get pregnant. Have a baby. Get married. Become a nurse. I never want my life to be anything less than a 20 out of 10. Above and beyond. High. I want my life to look like a movie for the viewer at all times. No matter what.

I really am the star of my own movie. And I'm going to be famous. Just wait and see. 5.16.11

Do you all remember the hours of pain and agony we used to spend each night screaming with our mothers asking if friends could stay the night? I do. Like... the worst was when you didn't even get your whole sentence out: "Hey mom, since we're off school tomorrow can-"

"NO!"

LIKE CUNT YOU DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS BOUT TO ASK.

Or you do get your whole sentence out and they are like no not tonight but like you just spent the entire afternoon planning a sleep over with your best friend like no is not the answer. You want your friend to come over and you want those hours of talking about boys and eating pizza and laughing and peeing your pants. You cannot just let your mother destroy that with one stupid single fucking no.

That is where I learned to throw TEMPER TANTRUMS. Like screaming and crying and begging and begging and they just keep on saying no, so then you threaten to kill yourself if they wont let you go to a friends or have a friend come over. You go to your room. you cry. you act like the world is over. I swear each time within 20 minutes to an hour my mom was walking right in my room with her keys ready to take me to sammi scholls so I could drink whiskey and kiss girls.

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea