Waking up on my 21st birthday I was super excited to look down and pick up my cell to see the 50+ messages from all of my friends and or aquatences, you know like back in high school. Well to my surprise when I looked down at my phone there was only 1 text. And it was from this random girl who lives in dayton that I have hung out with once. Actually, she was with me the night I started drawing on the walls and painting a mural on my room back at my old apartment. Gee, I thought, times have changed.

Then the night of my 21st birthday party I was so excited for all of my friends to be there. New, and old, just to gather and meet everyone. And then my best friend since 6th grade who is only in town for another week didn't even show up.

Times are changing, Gale. We aren't all best friends anymore. And no one really cares. Everyone has there own lives that they care way more about and my friends are slowly fading into those people who only write on my Facebook wall on my birthday, opposed to a phone call or even a text.

We are all drifting. I'm 21. It's now or never. Its time to shit or get off the pot. This is the age where everyone stops caring about how much potential you have, someone once told me. And its true I mean, why should anyone care about what you COULD do or SHOULD do or WILL do. The only things that matter are the things you actually set your mind out to do.

I feel a new wavelength coming on. I feel change. and like Rafiki says... it is time.

ughhhhh I don't know I have just been thinking about a lot lately. As per usual and I have a topic I want to write about.

Love and monogamy.

Okay so depending upon what you believe... this article may not apply to you, I for one however do not believe that we were all just plopped down here one day, I strongly believe in the hard evidence and scientific facts of evolution. With that being said... I believe we evolved from the apes, hence we are animals.

I had a huge fight with this autistic kid on my bus every day after school. He would have all of his little animal toys out on his seat and be playing with them and me and this really mean bully kid named Jake would tell him, "You know Jonah... you're an animal too."

"I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! ANIMALS ARE GIRAFFES AND FROGS AND LIZARDS AND I AM NOT ONE!!!!"


"Jonah... you're an animal...."



and so on and so forth until we got tired of it.

However, humans are mammals, and mammals are animals. And I ain't never seen a dog get married... so its like, what the fuck are we doing thinking we are all high and mighty? Do elephants at the zoo make each other valentines day cards? No, they don't waste their money on construction paper and glue and rhinestones because their brains arent developed enough to let them think and process and watch movies and films and listen to songs about "love." So they are never given the oppourtunity to believe in the lie that love is.



“We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.”
- Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset


I mean... I think the Spaniard has a point.


You hear it all the time... phrases like, "girl/boy of my dreams."
"he's/she's everything I ever wanted."


We create the perfect person in our head and its just not out there. And dont even get me started on monogamy...


sex is soooo animalistic. and I feel if you can let yourself become animalistic during sex, and let that pure instinct inside of you just rip off the clothes of that person laying in front of you, or standing over you, or sitting at a diner table, or in the movie theatre.... wherever your sex may be, have fun. play a little. fuck like a wildabeast or a lion or a cheetah or even a cra cra zebra.

HElllllloooo everyone! Whats up?! I have actually been doing a whole fucking lot with my life in this vacation from work and school. I started a really awesome project the other day. That's what I keep doing and starting these "projects" of mine. I don't really know what I want to do with my life but I know what I truly love doing is creating. Creating art, in a lot of different forms. Whether its photography, clothing, hair, make up, paint, or paper and a pen I love doing it. I have decided I want to return to UC in the fall and I am not sure what I want to major in. I have been looking into english, journalism, even some DAAP programs and CCM. But this time its not theatre I'm all enthused about. I've been thinking about electronic media. I just want to create and make projects of my own and instead of listening to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about who was in 1 broadway musical tell me how to act, I'm going to learn how to work the camera so I can make my own television show, because bitch I'm already hilarious. There is some really cool quote that I am not looking up right now that goes a little something like this... if you are looking for a really funny movie out there thats real specific that you just cant find, make your own movie. If you aren't getting cast in shows, make your own television show. If there is a book out there you wanna read that isn't written yet, write it. Create something unique and new in this world that you can share that isn't there yet. Don't just copy your predaccesors, give and contibute to the beautiful world of art that surrounds us everyday that we dont even see.

So for my project, I decided to paint the walls of my room. I did this over night one night and stayed up until about 5 am. I like to invite friends to come over and paint with me, and leave a little mark of theirs on the wall in my room. It's so cool so see all different types of drawings and paintings and words and objects. I absolutely love it.

sometimes I look at our old pictures and wonder if you even remember me
I wonder if your family refers to me as the time you dated that crazy blonde freak... or if my name isn't mentioned at all. How could someone that meant the world to you at one moment in time mean completely nothing at a seperate moment in time. Our love wasn't real, from the moment it began. We were both looking for a fairy tale ending but what we got was real life instead. I didn't meet your families standards so you dumped me on the side of the road like yesterdays trash, and I can't thank you enough for letting me go. For you are definitely not the one I am supposed to live my life with, you made me insecure and you made me feel horrible about myself. You fucked with my young head and you knew what you were doing. Don't you think 19 is a little young? You were older and had been through love before and I hadn't. You swore the old you was gone and you were a new and changed woman for me. You wanted us to have a life together. You cheat on every one you make a relationship with. You were so beautiful to me and you picked me up and made me feel like no one else in the room mattered. You might say that you were entering the real world and I was too young but I need this time I needed this time to experiment and experience and just live my fucking life. You got to go through all of the things I am going through now. We used to say we'd end up together. I wonder what you think about that now. I wonder if you ever think about me or if you miss me at all. I wonder why I let your rejection sit in the back of my mind like an old book ina library that someone only picks up once a month just to remind themselves why they would never want to read it. How are you picking my brain a year later and urging me to write about you. MEmories are flooding back through my head as I sit here and look at pictures. You always said everything happens for a reason, but sitting here over a year later from our break up I can't find a reason for you, because I'm still falling for the same shit and I'm still getting hurt. Abby, oh abby, what did you do to me?

Reality Television absolutely killed tv. They think of the... and I am just going to say it... the most RETARDED shit these days. Like... Idol? Should have been over a LONG time ago. After Paula abdul dipped out it was all down hill from there. And to be honest without simon that show is nothing. I mean, I dont even know who any of the fuckin idols are expect Kellie fuckin Pickler. God she was a nice piece of blonde ass. Id tear that shit UP.

Do you ever want to take a loaded hand gun and shoot your radio in your car in the face? Like if I have to hear another fukcing Bruno Mars, KT Perry, or Adele song I am going to shit a brick and take said brick and slap Kiss 107 Fm in the mother humping jaw with it. I HATE HEARING ALL OF THOSE RE FUCKING TARDED SONGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Thank GOD for Born This Way... even though...

born this way...

like. marry the night.government hooker.judas. AMERICANO. HAIR. EDGE OF GLOR. you and I. BLOODY MARRY. Black Jesus...

other than that... honestly. I dont know what happened. I will give them a chance soon but they all sound the same OH MY GOD BAD KIDZZZ!!!! Love that. cant forget about that. I love you gaga but some of these are definitely throw aways... in my opinion. im going to stop myself. Im in love with you. you are great. but Im not going to follow you until I love you on this album. I mean

who are we kiddin

I am.