Betty Boop

So today after I got out of the shower I decided to braid my hair for old times sake, and remembered how girl used to braid their hair the night before school and take the braids out in the morning and wear their hair "kinky." What fucked up little middle schooler girl thought that ever looked good?

Then I thought I should probably go on to facebook and make a group called, "Sleeping With Your Hair In Braids The Night Before School So Your Hair Is Curly The Next Day" and see how many people waste nano seconds of their life clicking "Like."

That's when I remembered I had a blog, and I can bitch about all of these nameless people on here.

So another thing that really grinds my gears these days is cell phones. There are all of these commercials out there, mainly for verizon, that are like, "Do you want to Mapquest how to get to your local KFC and sext your history teacher at the same time??? TRY THE DROID!!!!!" Like seriously? Cell phones do wayyyyy too much these days we don't need all of those fucking applications. Pretty soon the next time I have to take a shit I am going to open up the menu on my phone and go to the toilet application and hit transform and Voilà! There is a nice off white porcelain potty for me to do my business in. Calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, myspacing, chatting, online banking, getting the news, how do we even have time to sit down and watch a nice classic movie like The Burbs or even Surfin Ninjas. We don't. Our lives are in these piece of shit plastic shitboxes that cause us so much pain, heart ache, annoyance, and honestly I am just going to admit it, health issues. But now a days something as simple as baking brownies or watching a Days of Our Lives episode is grounds for getting cancer. I never even take the time to look around me and notice I am alive in a beautiful world because I stare at my cell phone screen. And back to heart ache, how many times have we all heard, "He won't call me back, he won't text me back, he won't answer my calls, he got mad because I snuck into his house and cut off a piece of his hair and kept it in a baggie." Like get the fuck up off yo ass and go do somethin bout that double chin of yours n maybe baby daddy will call you back.

Also what the fuck is up with this Greyson Chance kid??? First Justin Beiber and now him? I feel like The Fame Factory is looking for a different venu these days, it seems as though all you need is 3 things 1) Be or look like you are twelve and also look like a raging lesbian at the same time, 2)Sing a cover or a popular song and post it on youtube, and C) Not hit puberty.

What happened to Bleach blonde hair, big boobs, a nice tan, and a bright smile. How the fuck can they tell me one thing and then change the criteria umpteen years later. I am calling my lawyer, I haven't gotten a nice, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN TROUBLE FOR ___ MONTHS, CONRAGULATIONS! card from him in a while.

PRETZEL MONKEY.