I don't fight, I don't argue, I just hit that bitch with a CACTUS.

I think it's truly sad how insecure and self conscious people are. Maybe it is something you can't help and that I just don't understand, but I think if you really tried, took a deep breath, and realized that what ignorant frat boys think of you doesn't matter, you would be a lot better off.

For instance, I met the saddest girl of my life this past weekend. From the moment I stepped into this creeky house on in clifton she had already blabbed about how boys were about to come over. Like we were fucking 12 and we were calling boys at one of our sleep overs. She was so excited about getting wasted and having the opposite sex within range of her, because that is what she is supposed to like, (when clearly she was making out with straight girl and holding and hands and all over eachother?) Regardless, her and her gayboyfriend left to go get some liquor and asked us what we wanted, we being Caitling and I, and we said nothing.

So Lindsay comes back with some parrot bay (SCHWASTED!?!?) and some off brand ORANGE DRANK. Literally named, "Orange Drink." My heart stopped. My beloved orange drink was in my presence and memories of spduff flooded through my mind. Where is my twinkling star??? Anyways, having drank a few nights before I was really content not drinking and staying sober so I poured myself a delicious cup of oraannggee drannkkk, awaiting it's sweet taste to my beautiful lips. As they met up and the liquid entered my mouth I was filled with nothing but hatred and disgust for this jack ass imposter pretending to be orange drank. Dumbbitchlindsay was so proud of herself for buying something that caitling and I wanted, yearning for attention and acceptance so I immediately spit this joke of a drink out and said "What is this nonsense?!?!"

DBLINDSAY: o0o0o0o That's OranGe DrINkkk guRrLL I goTt it foRr yEwwww!! <3 ***** lolz
ME: THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR A BEVERAGE AIN'T GOT SHIT ON MCDONALDS ORANGE DRINK, AIN'T GOT SHIT.
DBLINDSAY: O0o0o No0o0o0o0o!! do Yew StiLL lyKeee mE??????
ME:of course not.

hahahahaha of course that dialogue didn't go just as I wrote, but it's still funny nonetheless. So then nignorant fool wants MORE alcohol I guess she wasn't fucked up enough to feel pretty so she decides she wants to walk to the liquor store and I am bored out of my mind listening to gay boys talk about hair product and ashton kutcher so I convinced caitling to walk with her and me to the liq stor.

Before we leave, nig is soo starved for some attention and/or some dick. She kept telling us how she is horny and a slut. So she decides to change out of her clothes and into some dressthatreallyisashirt from kohls and wears it with a pair of black boots. She was acting all lyke OMIgoD iS thIs oKaaY I CaNt BeLiEvE I am WeaRiNg ThIs and I was like BITCH SHUT UP I WEAR LINGERIE TO THE CLUB n she was lyke okay...

So you can practically see this girls uterus, she probably should have worn leggins, but then she wouldn't have been lindsay. sad thing is, I am pretty sure her real name is stephanie. Regardless, caitlin and I and bitchface start walking to the liq and I offered to drive a nigress several times as I wanted to holler at some mickey dee's and she said no, OBV because she wanted to be hollered at by some bois but I don't think she understood that "holler" means "rape and kill" nowadays. But like... it was hot... and I don't like to walk in my glittered combat boots so after a few steps and being stared down by an unidentified black man (he will remain anonymous, to protect his rights.) I said, I don't want to go, and caitlin said me neither, and lindZ4lYfe said well I can go by myself and you guys can just go back the house... and we were like... k...

So lindsay left and I had a horrible gulity conscious on me like when I used to use my mom's work laptop to look at porn, well not quite but like if she would have became the next gregory hand email I would have kind of felt responsible but I will just let you all know now that to my knowledge she is not dead. So as time passes by we didnt hear from her and then the cops pull up the house and we are like dear lord saint james above us all lindsay was killed, but no, she gets out of the back and thanks the cops for bringing her hom. NIGRESS GOT LOST AND ASKED THE POPO TO BRING HER BACK. LYKE. GURL. ughhhhhh. she forreallllz irritated me that night.

So fast forward, we walk to a part down the street, caitling, linds n me and we get to this partay and everyone is drinking, wasted, partaying it up and I was sooo thirstt because of the failed orange drank and I busted in that house and was like, "YO, WHO GOT THE DR PEPPER??" and everyone is like who is thie girl in green cargo shorts and black combat boots with glitter on them...? No dr pepper. Mountain dew, and these gross ass boys didnt even have a clean cup in the house everything was a messed, I insisted the host of the party clean me a cup which he wasn't too opposed to doing it. So then caitling and I found some board games upstairs and threw them out the window. jumanji and othello RIP. But then, we found THE CAACTUS.

I saw a cactus plant sitting on the porch of a house across the street and I wanted it for my own personal use. So I made caitling go get it and then we had a photoshoot with cactus while the party was going on. Then we gave the cactus to linsday and she chugged her parrot bay faster than you could say OMGGOD THESE BITCHES HAVE A CACTUS.

Then lindsay was gone for a really long time.

moral of the story: don't buy off brand orange drink. you will get pregnant. and die.