I had a dream I met Lady Gaga last night.

So I was at some sort of weird form of a Monsterball somewhere in my head and dream world and I swear there were little chinese girls running around and I think that is because I went out to Grand Buffet the evening before with Shane. Anyway Gaga was like swinging on ropes and visiting people in the audience and she swung by me but I didnt get to talk to her and there was like low security at this concert and when I say low security I mean no security and I was able to walk right up to the front row of my section and I sat down and sadly I wasnt wearing anything fantastic I think I had came from work but she started talking to me and then I startd crying and she asked me why I was crying and what was wrong because there was an asian girl sitting next to me crying for being kicked out of the navy and she had a legit reason and I wasn't kicked out of the navy or anything and I said to her, "Well I hope you don't think this is stupid but just being able to speak to you means so much to me you are like everything to me and I look up to you and what you stand for so much." And I pulled down the back of my shirt to show her my bad romance tattoo and she loved it and then I asked to take a picture with her really quick on my cell phone and she freaked the fuck out like she was some sort of vampire that couldnt have its picture taken and I tried to snap was as she fleed the scene and nothing showed up on my phone but A blurry picture of neither of us.

But sadly I just checked my gallery and the only picture that comes up is this.


A picture of me sitting exactly where I was last night before I went to sleep. Writing.

AWESOME!

So I am 20 years old and I am sitting in the computer room of my mothers house and I just downed 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made with Smucker's Goober Grape. The kinda of PB&J that is all mixed together. Its so fucking delicious. But I swear there are chunks in the peanut butter. Who the FUCK buys chunky peanut butter... like what if everything had the option to include chunk or no chunk. Like semen. Or orange juice.

So when I told you I was in the computer room I meant the spare room at my moms house that has all of my old stuffed animals in it in piles that my mom decided to throw a computer room. Oh, and its easter Sunday. I recently dropped out of college and I work at the mall. I sell pretzles. At one of those pretzle stands. Yeah... do you ever get a pretzle from one of those and see the really ugly fat guy standing there selling them to you? Well thats me. So what exactly stops me from killing myself? Fame. Beauty. and Sex. And Money and music and movies and scripts and lyrics and poems and long hair and sunshine. That is what I love.

I think its safe to say when I am being interviewed on a talk show sometime in the next 5 years that when they ask who my best friend in college was I will say Lady Gaga. Like... I like her so much more than anyone. I would rather listen to Judas than talk to most people. I was definitely closest with my Fame Monster CD, glitter, my lap top, the radio. I like art, not people. And I fucking love sex. I love orgasming. I love cumming. I looooove the fucking build up to that one phenomenal burst of pleasure that can make your eyes roll into the back of your fucking head and make you tremor afterwards. I love sex with other people and I love sex with myself.

I love ladies. I dont like girls and I dont like women. I love fucking ladies. Make up high heels long hair with looks to kill and an attitude to match. I love bad people. I love danger and I love hurt. Im psychotic Im twisted Im gonna get evicted.

I will write until I pull each and every last blonde hair out of this head.

work work work.

Well. It's time for me to turn over a new leaf... that isn't pot. It's time for me to be responsible, and healthy. It's time for me to grow up. I know this controdicts everything I have been saying the past week or month of my life but I think if I want to be succesful I need to do a lot less partying and a lot more wokring towards what I want. There is time to party and let loose but you have to be able to moderate it, and I have NOT been doing a good job of it. I miss you, I do. No matter what I say or what I do... I do miss you.

and as hard as it is for me to give up my popstar life for right now, this little tranny is putting the glitter back into her drag closet.

I just need to be real. And, what I have been doing isn't. I dont know. I just know I need to grow up.