untitled

It's embarassing when:

You pull up to McDonald's drive through and they hand you a large Dr Pepper and small orange drank but you don't have anywhere to put them because last week's to go cups from steak n shake filled with mr pibb are in still in your drink holders.

You ask friend A where the bathroom is at friend B's houses and take a mysteriously long amount of time in this bathroom and then a day later you have a new profile pic, myspace style might I add, of you in the mirror at friend B's house. like bitch... you took the time to take a picture of yourself in the mirror and post it on Fockbook...

you write beautiful soul on your knee on thursday and it is still there monday night...

It's kind of funny and awkward that we all spend the most amount of time looking at our own facebook profiles.

I think that instead of having "It's complicated" as an option for relationships on Facebook we should all just be honest and make it "It's completely fucked up with" or there could be one that is "Blake Jelley is afraid of commitment with Shane Patrick Fairness Duffy" or even better "Lesbian A has feelings for Lesbian B but still wants to sleep with lesbians C-G" because that sounds a little more accurate to me.



let's jump into the deep end for a minute... as I sit here almost coming to tears looking at pictures of my friends and their happiness, they are so simply happy when surrounded by their friends just enjoying their lives, doing what they want to do... and thinking of recent events and all of my friends and their relationships with their families I have decided that I will not have a child. I don't know what the purpose of that would be because parents don't have children because they want to create a human being to live his or her life to the fullest, they create children because they WANT to or because they were wasted and a condom broke. From the beggining it looks like it starts out as already being all about the parents happiness or it was a mistake. Thinking about the side of parents wanting children... they want this perfect little thing to bring them happiness and joy to their lives, but as we age they continue to want that. They continue to want their own happiness. But as well all know, infants grow up into toddlers who grow up into being their own person, hoping that their families instilled good values and life lessons into them, but it's so hard because no matter what there becomes that point of rebellion as a human being. You are 13 and you think you are independant and want to do everything on your own and everything against your parents, no matter what your parents taught you. Nothing ever seems to work out. Accesive rules make kids rebel even harder and when parents try to be a kid's best friend no rules are enforced and the parents even start to provide the kid with alcohol at parties and letting their friends and boyfriends and or girlfriends stay that night and that is when a kid becomes so severely fucked up because they think they are entitled to everything.

I don't know, I am so happy and blessed that a beautiful woman decided to give me life, and despite our mess of a relationship I really think she knew what she was doing. I will always commend her for not shoving anything down my throat, literally or physically. I am so greatful for the lack of religion and her spiritualness of believing in a greater being and letting me decide what I will believe in. I was able to eat what I wanted and was never forced to eat my vegetables and drink milk and shit. As children, we were always laughing and having wonderful times. My family may have our differences now, and I know my mom thinks she did something wrong along the way because of some of my quote un quote behavior and by behavior I mean being a lesbian... but I believe that my mentality and outlook on life and being able to think for myself is what is important. Then around wokring age I got a job and began to learn the value of a dollar. Sure there are days when I am broken down and think "wouldn't it be nicer if I were just born into money and didn't have to worry about things?" but I would never trade any of my financial situations for anything because I know what it is like to work hard for something at such an early age. My accomplishments in life will all mean so much to me because I will always know that nothing was bought for me and that I worked for it all, on my own. I think my parents doa great job of balancing the money help I do recieve, not sure if it is on purpose or not but they help me when I am diar need of it, being parents and caretakers, but I feel so much luckier than all of the kids I know who are bought evertyhing, whose parents pay for college, pay for their cars and all of that nonsense because I feel like I know what it is all about. Appreciating the simple things and wokring hard. Loving and being passionate, because when you don''t have a single fukcing penny in your bank account, but when you have love, passion, and faith, you have everything.