You know what... I hate going to restaraunts on the west side of Cincinnati because chances are when I enter the building I have harassed at least one of the waitresses or waiters online via Facebook, MySpace, Aim or Thedirty.com Sure enough tonight as I walked in to the LaRosa's on Glenway I saw about three fat hogs I graduated with from highschool. Excuse me, did I say hogs? I meant, hogs. Thats right. I don't know what it is about graduated from high school that says it's now okay to become a daily subscriber to Krispee Kreem but some of the girls sign right up the day school ends. And if there bellies aren't full of doughnuts, pizza, chipotle, and college boy sperm, its filled with a baby. Pregnant or fat. Those seem like some of the only options after high school to a young woman. I however have decided to take another route. Anyway, back to family dinner with the looneytunes. So... I used to avoid certain restaraunts on the westside, knowing that certain people I went to high school with worked at them, but these days anymore I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I like going actually, and I always like looking great and holding my head high. Like... I mean I know why people don't like me. It's because I make fun of them and act like a lunatic. But... here it is, I actually am crazy. There I said it. I'm coming out of the padded closet. But all famous people are crazy, and that 1 of my three aspirations in life.

1. FAME
2. SKINNY
3. BLONDE

Those are relaly the only three things I want in my life. oh. there are 4.

4. LOTS AND LOTS OF ORGASMS.

I like sex. But... I'm really getting side tracked from the story. So I stomped in to Larosas in a yellow t shirt and skirt that looked like a picnic table cover, ankle boots, a black blazer, eyeliner running down my face painted on the day before, messy blonde hair, and I feel like there might have been lipstick on my neck. Anyway, the key to be hated is to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS show off your confidence, and tits. If you have them... DO NOT BY ANY MEANS TRY TO SHOW OFF YOUR CLEAVAGE IF YOU ARE FLAT CHESTED LADIES!!!

Thats like having a small penis. Nothing good can cum from it. ahhh! ;)

So the ugly hostess sat us and up pops our waiter. "Fuck." I thought immediately. I totally posted his girlfriend on thedirty.com like last summer. Not only that but I once make a facebook status about his girlfriends friend that got trampled at our senior prom. It read:

"HAHAHAHAHAHA I just remember when Lindsay Jobst got trampled at prom."

Like... first of all... Lindsay Jobst had an orange face and a white neck. Like... two criteria which allows anyone to hate her. And for the most part... everyone did hate her and thought it was funny that she got trampled during sandstorm. Like I even remember one guy saying to me

"yeah dude we were all like fuck who are we stompin on man and then we found out it was that slut Lindsay Jobst with a orange face and a white neck so I stomped on her chest."

Like... LIT ER A LEE no one liked her. But as soon as I decide to make my status about her... EVERYONE AND THEIR BROTHER has to start defending her. Thats what people do. They talk shit about everyone until I finally say something out loud (or in writing sitting behind my computer where I can still say what I want but no one can punch me in the face) and then they act all fucking fake and start defending all of the ugly fuckers with warts on their faces that I talk about. It astounds me. I hate people. I just want to be a fuckign stand up comedian and tell these stories. BEcause I know that at least the general audience will at least laugh at me and then go home and talk shit behind my back like a damn good friend. I am a bad friend. I post shit ONLINE.

Back to the pizzeria...

So, my mom usually doesn't make me go to restaraunts where people would want to shoot me but I said I didn't care tonight. Well... then I got there and I saw all of the people there who hated me and what their reasons were and I was like fuck... someone is totally going to piss in my water tonight. Or like... my spaghetti is about to get FUCKED WITH. So I just want the staff of LaRosa's on Glenway to know that if you did fuck with my food tonight. Fuck you. I don't care. Props to you. At least you aren't still bitching about how I posted you on thedirty and not doing anything about it. And... if you didn't do anything... well this is just another example about the fact that I think people care about me WAYYYY more than they do because well, I'm famous. ;)

So halfway through the dinner my 21 year old brother who still lives at home who is engaged who has slept with his fiance less times than I have slept with my recent fuck buddy, starts talking about all of the exxxxpennnsiiiveeee food he eats and how him and his classy expensive girl friend have tried crab, and veil, and sushi, and blah blah blah boo boo boo no one is listening to you talk asshole. He and his fiance think that they are so much better than me because they try expensive food and they go to fancy restaraunts and because they don't get open containers and they dont drop out of college and they dont bleach their hair or get tattoos or have piercings or whatever the fuck it is that day that makes them better than I. But what gets me is that... YEAH, IM SURE YA DO HAVE LOOOADSSSS OF $$$$MONEY$$$$ to spend on fucking crab and veil because you mother fuckers dont have any goddamn bills to pay because you live at home and you are just playing fucking house.

ID LIKE TA SEE YA MOVE OUT! HOW MUCH VEIL YOU BE EATIN THEN ASSHOLES??? HUH????

I remember when my brother asked me if I had tried any form of Japanese food or if I had ever had veil and I said, NO DICKFACE I eat .99 cent boxes of spaghetti from kroger and thats how I get buy.

fucking veil.