I dont know if things will ever be the same between us
and I know it is all my fault.
I dont think I could live with you in my life as a platonic friend. at least not forever
but I can do it for a while
I really hope you dont move on, on day 500
I hope our story is different.
I guess all I can really do is hope for us
I dont know if you like the roses, or like talking to me, or if you even read any of this.
I can put what I did out of my mind for a while... but when I see you, or when I am with you, and I think about it... and I really start to think about it. My entire body beings to hurt from the core and it feels dirty and disgusting and like its about to break

I loved seeing you so happy tonight. You are seriously the most fucking beautiful woman and person I have ever seen much less been with. I love watching you be happy and get tipsy. Im sorry for getting upset with you, but I am scared to death that you would do something like I did. But I guess we arent all shitty people. I fucking hate myself. I really hope you dont read these. Im so fucked up.