PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR FOR EQUALITY

Sometimes when I am in Clifton coming home, especially at this late hour, or even perhaps happy go lucky riding home on Glenway in broad day light, I pray to God to make me ugly, or to give me huge warts on my face, pale skin, zits, freckles, brown hair, anything to make me unnatractive just so preteen, teen, and middle aged men won't whistle, holler, and or gawk at me or ask me "how you doin hunny?" Now, we are all the first to know how much I love attention, but this is unwanted, ignorant, rude, smelly, nigresswithwhitecastleatthedock attention. Like it's fine if you want to tell me how pretty I am, ask for my picture, an autograph, and I might even have time for a book signing here and there but I do not need to nignorant fucking 14 year old gangsta Papa Percy and his crew hollerin at me when their pubes probably ain't even came in yet. Just shut the fuck up. How do you ever in your life think you could ever possibly get with a Maxim cover worthy Goddess such as myself? That's right, I said it. Maxim cover worthy Goddess. To quote Shane Fairness, "I love myself as everyone should." Bitch has the right idea.

Second, I went to The Monster Ball last night. For those of you who live under a rock and are semi retarded The Monster Ball is also known as The Lady Gaga concert. Now, in a few days there will be a whole entire seperate blog for that but let me just tell you it was better than all the proms I have ever went to, homecomings, middle school dances, it's even more exciting than Valentines day in elementary school when you got to make mailboxes out of an old shoe box, more breathtaking than the second coming of Christ, cooler than you and all of your child's lives combined, more intense and pleasurable than that first time you climb the rope in gym class in 5th grade and you have an orgasm, it's like an explosion of glitter, hair bleach, sequins, sex, life, love, death, laughter, smiles, brightness, darkness, happiness, tears, real, insanity, vanity, sharp, edgy, pop, theatrical, art, destruction, creation, a huge fuck you to everyone who judges anyone. The Monster Ball is where we can all be ourselves. Be freaks. I cried several times. What she has done for me, the world, pop music, and just people out there who don't fit in. I know I say it, everyone says it, and she says it but she really welcomes me and makes me feel like I can accomplish what I want, being 100% myself. There are so many people out there who toss around the words, "Yeah, I didn't fit in in high school" way too freely. I am happy to be me and she just reinforces that within myself. We are all supposed to be okay, happy, 100% strong on our own without the help from anyone else, but in the darkest of bullshit fucking times in my life, when I am not full maybe at that 98%, I can look up to my wall full of Gaga pictures, I can listen to her music, and now I can forever remember The Monster Ball that is burned into my memory and remember that I AM A FREE BITCH BABY.

AND NO ONE CAN HANDLE ME.

bai.