From the desk of 7251

It has been a while since I have come to my home in Cincinnati. Much less sat down and took the time to write. I was just wondering, do you think other teenage girls fantasize about Jay Leno? Not like, as in a sexual partner, but fantasize about their first interview on The Tonight Show? Do they plan out what they are going to say? Or their debuts with Ellen? The Today Show? Katie Couric? Even Chelsea Handler?

If anyone else does it would be nice to chat with you because I do it all the time. I plan out what stories I will tell from highschool, and funny thins that happened to me. Make believe clips of movies I want to be in.

Am I insane? Perhaps, but all the good ones are insane, and we're alot better in bed. ;)

Maybe twice a month I go on expedia.com and look up 1 ways to LA. They are about the cost of one months rent. Not too bad, you know. I dream of it. Something more. Something shinier. Some place warmer. I dream of auditioning for everything I can get my hands on and I dream of getting noticed. I dream of sitting in my one bedroom, writing into the wee hours of the night. Plays, scripts, books, songs, poems, lyrics. The same things I do here, but I would feel more glamourous in LA. Plus I could have these really awesome facebook pictures on a beach and everyone in Cincinnati would be in the cold and it would be awesome.

What keeps me from going? Fear. Society. People. I am not afraid to admit it. It's scary, dropping everything and going for something. Something that you have a one in bazzilion chances of accomplishing. But I have always felt special, and I have always had a great hair. So what else do I need for LA and Hollywood? Sure, I have as much talent as Lindsay Lohan has jail time but talent doesn't even matter. It is all about who you know. And... I know... the muffin man.

So basically cast me on SNL? Thanksbye.

And on December 8th 1990 when I was born, God said "Let Laura Be Akward"

So I just got home from the most awkward doctor's visit anyone could ever have. There I am just sitting on the stool chatting away to Mr Duffy, in no clothes in particular. I never dress up to go to the doctor, who would? You are sick. I am sick. Anyway, so I had never had this certain physician before, and I assumed it was an old woman who was almost grey who would check my blood pressure, listen to my chest, and write me a prescription for amoxcicyllian. That is what usually happens. But no, on this fine cold winter day at approximately 2:30 pm, a character of a different sort came in to my room. I told Shane Duffy I had to go and I would call him right back, and there in front of me stood the most attractive 29 year old male doctor I have ever had practice medicine on me before. He said hello and I said what's your name? I will not give out his name to protect his right of privacy.

Then I had to proceed to tell this cute doctor all about how I had diarrhea for a half an hour this morning because I ate really bad take out. I mean, do you know what it is like to tell someone you have diarrhea, much less tell someone who looks like they should be on Young and The Restless, and not taking care of snot nosed children at a doctor's office in clifton. So he asked me other things, and then asked if I had any lower abdominal pain, and I suppose the way I answered the question was weird because he asked me why I answered it with that tone of voice. Then I explained to him that I really needed to make an appointment with the gynocoligist but he couldn't help me with that. And lucky enough for me he told me he was not only a pediatrician, but he also praacticed OBGYN as well! So we made it a two in one visit right there in that room where rainbow dinosaurs hung out on the wallpaper. JUST KIDDING. Haha.

I asked *Roger* how old he was and he said he was 29, I told him he looked like he was 24. (I just kept babbling. I thought the situation was really funny and decided to make the most of it?") He said thank you and told me thought he was balding, and I said "Na, you just wear your hair like my 18 year old gay roommate!" hahahah. Like it was okay for me to say that to my doctor? I told him I hoped he didn't think I was mean and he said no and thought I was funny.

Oh, by the way. All of this happened while I was wearing a gay pride shirt that reads "Some Chicks Marry Chicks, Get Over It."

So my new doctor must think I am some weird lesbian freak who has diarrhea all the time and is awkward. Score.

Carly

I miss you the moment you kiss me Goodbye, and after every "I love you" on the phone. I am up late and you are sleeping, and when I am unable to sleep I just lay here for hours thinking about my life, your life, my plans, your plans, you, me, and us. Sometimes I wonder if we are right for each other, just ask Tiffany, we fight all the time. But then I start to imagine my life without you, and I just can't do it. I get upset and scared. You are so perfect, and so beautiful. In every single way. Sometimes I wish you wouldn't have gotten a cat, because then I wanted one, and right now mine is playing with the fucking blinds and interrupting my mood to write.

I used to blog all of the time, and you would be the first to read them. :) I love every single thing about you. From your white blonde hair to your septum ring to your skinny legs and to your toes. I love how quiet you are, and no one knows what you say but if you listen just right to you when we are out you say some of the most hilarious things. I love how you get messy drunk, because you dont hold back at all. Whether that is good or bad I still love it. You are cute and sometimes you try to have sex with me on the dance floor, and I know I have told you that I love that before. Other times, we fight and argue. Drunk or sober. But I would not change a thing about our relationship. Oh except you should cuddle with me more when we watch dexter. thanks. freudian slip. yeah, I know the word Fruedian. I also know different breads of dogs.

God, thinking back I have had so many nights with you. They are all my favourites. From laying on the couch watching to catch a predator or me getting nasty on you at a bar because you dont dance unless you are Wa$ted like kesha. Or going to plays at my school or THE NUTCRACKER! :) or going to watch dean and caitlin, or katlyn, or tiff, or shannon or nick and drag queens and trannys and blah blah blahhhhh. When did you get so gay? I think pride weekend transformed you.

PS I miss the fangs you bought for our 1 year. Please bring them back.

Well, I see there is a super mario game on facebook now, so I am going to go play it. You will probably beat my score though.

No matter what, in good times or bad, I will always love you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. And you are my vampire forever. 10.16.09

you let me be me. you are nothing like me. you love how weird and different I am. I could wear aluminum foil to a club and you would laugh your perfect laugh and love me for it. you don't judge me. we may not see eye to eye on things, or agree on everything. but we have a certain common ground and understanding of things, I believe. I know things are going to be okay and get back to normal. Back to perfect. We just had three eprfect days together,. Thy made me so happy. I love your hair, I love your smile, I love your nose, I love your face, I love watching you sleep and holding you. I love it when you do the tiniest little gestures like rubbing my leg if we are at a restraunt or bar or rubbing my back when we sit on my couch. I love that you are calm and able to not let things bother you. I have no idea how you do it. I love that we hate annoying dumb bitches together. I lo=ve when you let me paint your face at gaga. I love when you stand there and I dance like a black freak on you. I love that we have kitties as children. I love the way you say my name. I love when you tell me you love me. In text, on the phone or in person. I love loggin on to twitter and knowing you are talking to me. I lov when you bite my ear or just whisper into it breath into it or anytinh.g Look I spelled bite wrong. Like I used to. ohio avenue where are ouy. finer nail makrs and foot prints. I have your key forever to lookat. glitter and rhinestones. toyou are perfect. we need to get back to perfec.t

I love your septum ring. it makes you different that everyone. I love when you are smiling and happy. even though we fight and I watch you smile and laugh with my friends or other people I want you to always have that. I dont want you to be sad you do not desrve itl You always deserve to be happy I love you

Like, I fucking hate alcohol so much. Do you really think it is so cool that you drink and have pictures of yourself drinking and can tell stories of how wasted you were? That's not cool. You know what is cool? Abigail Adams. Sojourner Truth. The Pythagorean Therom. Art. Pick up a fucking book.

Drink a cup of apple juice. Like, just because you drink Four Loko, doesn't mean you're as LOKO as you think. OMYYGAWDDDD LOKO4DAYZ I AM SOOO COOOL AND NOW I AM FAT BECAUSE I DRINK ALL THE TIME.


oh... and those people who drink and drive.

"I do it all the time."

You know who else said that?

Every other person who drove and drank until they killed themselves.

You all think you are invinscible to the law but you aren't. And no one ever, EVER listens to anyone.

la

our generation is so fucked up. we live in a world where you are married, have a baby, and are divorced by age 25. nothing is sacred. nothing is special. nothing is real. kids are giving hand jobs before they know how to do calculus.

no guys open doors for girls. they hardly ever even go to the door to pick them up. just honk the horn. respect, courtesy, and manners have just completely gone out the window

I also just want to announce that just because you drink four loko, doesn't mean you are as fucking rad as you think they are. I was drinking four loko in my bottle straight out the womb, it's old news.

It is easier to adopt a baby these days, than deactivate your facebook account. I just tried to and I had to go through like 4 security phases of typing in weird phrases like ennunciated pugs and hauled sections.

Like, just because you update your status all of the time and upload tons of pictures doesn't make you fucking cool. And like don't update your status about how horrible your life is, because it's obviously extra fucking horrible if you have to put it on your facebook.

furthermore, if you were in a relationship for like ten years and then you break up and your status says "I miss you baby like the dark side of the moon misses the birds that fly south to the winter in harmony" like don't. Because 1 its retarded and like you think we dont know who you are talking about, well we do. And if your status is about someone, dont be a pussy! TAG THEM! THat is what its there for!! If you are super pissed at someone for fucking your boyfriend, then write FUCK YOU, BYE @LauraWahler.

Has anyone ever thought about how awkward it would be if you were attracted to your gynocologist? Like imgaine I walk in for s check up and there is some fine lady sitting there like put your legs up and then she just inserts herself into your business. Like, weird.

I am so happy about plent of fish . com

LIKE i wrote this in september. its so funny.yyyyyy...

I never really understood the saying, "If you don't pee in pools, then why would you smoke in a restraunt?" That makes no fucking sense at all and is NOT a correct analogy. I don't ever see people eating cordon bleu in the shallow end at my pool so how are we about to compare restraunts and swimmin pools?? HUH? HUH?

Secondly, I do pee in pools. All the time.

I need a break from all of this. This life I have been living. It's wearing me out and freaking me out and makes me anxious. I want to stay inside of my house and live like a turtle, in my warm cozy shell. I want to work 50 hours a week and come home and read and go to sleep. I want another job. I don't want to waste my money on going out I want these exes off of my hands. Not an academy award or a record sold and I am already tired of the glitz and the glam and the fashion. A change of scenery is in order and I am so ready for school to start this fall. A chance to pluck myself from this odd state I have been living in filled with no money, empty stomachs, and cigarettes. I don't regret it, staying out until 3, or 4 am every night of the week. Definitely some beautiful inspiration, kick ass times, and endless amounts of laughter, but boy, do I need some good old boring homework or something. Some one give me an essay to write, or ask me a question about coagulated blood paste. Get me away from sequins, drag queens, and hair bleach. I want some glasses and a floor length brown skirt and a shirt that says I am married to God on it. I need to change this needs to change. Intervention time beings now.

NESSARO$E

I am going to get personal.

Wow, I just don't know what to think right now. So many thoughts are rushing through my head. It felt so good when it started, and even during. I was addicted, in the heat of the moment and couldn't get enough of it. Couldn't stop even it was wrong and was going to affect me after. Now, after it's done... I just feel so guilty. Ashamed. Dirty. I want to shower. I need to clean my teeth. And I am pretty sure a little something is growing in side me.

Eating chipotle is just like having a one night stand.

So I guess beans and rice is my anti-std.

:)

Fuck noodle soup, McChicken for the teenage soul

People judge. They love to judge others and their situations. Sometimes I even have to take a step back from when I am talking and tell myself, "Hey, let them be. You don't know their situation, it is not for you to say or comment on." I am not saying we all shouldn't form opinions about things or even that if we have opinions that we should keep them to ourselves. One of the best things in life is having a different view on something than someone so you can share what you think about a topic. Then they can share what they think, you disagree at parts, agree at parts, but what is most important is to keep that mind open and learn from one another. Having that, "Huh, I never thought about it like that" moment is something I strive for, because it means I was exposed to something that hadn't really crossed my mind, or maybe it was something obvious that my brain just hadn't seen or caught on to. That is why others are there, to talk, discuss, and share views.

There is a difference between having a different thought or opinion, and being a nasty ignorant bitch. You know, those nasty ass bitches that just have a damn look on their face about others, something they do or have done. Narrow small minded cunt wrags who think that they are better than everyone else because they haven't tried a drug ever or they have only slept with one person in their life. I am not saying those are bad things, at all, whatsoever. But if I can sit here and respect you for your choices, then respect me for who I am. Respect my friends for who they are and what they have done. Whether it was a mistake or not, whether I or they regret it or not, (noregrets) it isn't hurting you in the any way, shape, or form. I do bite my tongue as I say this because I certainly lack respect for homeless junkies, and girls who have sex with 3 different boys in one weekend.

I think that is different though, than saying accept some of my flaws rather than "Oh hey accept me with a needle hanging half way out of my arm." Do you know what I mean?

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw.

Fin.

PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR FOR EQUALITY

Sometimes when I am in Clifton coming home, especially at this late hour, or even perhaps happy go lucky riding home on Glenway in broad day light, I pray to God to make me ugly, or to give me huge warts on my face, pale skin, zits, freckles, brown hair, anything to make me unnatractive just so preteen, teen, and middle aged men won't whistle, holler, and or gawk at me or ask me "how you doin hunny?" Now, we are all the first to know how much I love attention, but this is unwanted, ignorant, rude, smelly, nigresswithwhitecastleatthedock attention. Like it's fine if you want to tell me how pretty I am, ask for my picture, an autograph, and I might even have time for a book signing here and there but I do not need to nignorant fucking 14 year old gangsta Papa Percy and his crew hollerin at me when their pubes probably ain't even came in yet. Just shut the fuck up. How do you ever in your life think you could ever possibly get with a Maxim cover worthy Goddess such as myself? That's right, I said it. Maxim cover worthy Goddess. To quote Shane Fairness, "I love myself as everyone should." Bitch has the right idea.

Second, I went to The Monster Ball last night. For those of you who live under a rock and are semi retarded The Monster Ball is also known as The Lady Gaga concert. Now, in a few days there will be a whole entire seperate blog for that but let me just tell you it was better than all the proms I have ever went to, homecomings, middle school dances, it's even more exciting than Valentines day in elementary school when you got to make mailboxes out of an old shoe box, more breathtaking than the second coming of Christ, cooler than you and all of your child's lives combined, more intense and pleasurable than that first time you climb the rope in gym class in 5th grade and you have an orgasm, it's like an explosion of glitter, hair bleach, sequins, sex, life, love, death, laughter, smiles, brightness, darkness, happiness, tears, real, insanity, vanity, sharp, edgy, pop, theatrical, art, destruction, creation, a huge fuck you to everyone who judges anyone. The Monster Ball is where we can all be ourselves. Be freaks. I cried several times. What she has done for me, the world, pop music, and just people out there who don't fit in. I know I say it, everyone says it, and she says it but she really welcomes me and makes me feel like I can accomplish what I want, being 100% myself. There are so many people out there who toss around the words, "Yeah, I didn't fit in in high school" way too freely. I am happy to be me and she just reinforces that within myself. We are all supposed to be okay, happy, 100% strong on our own without the help from anyone else, but in the darkest of bullshit fucking times in my life, when I am not full maybe at that 98%, I can look up to my wall full of Gaga pictures, I can listen to her music, and now I can forever remember The Monster Ball that is burned into my memory and remember that I AM A FREE BITCH BABY.

AND NO ONE CAN HANDLE ME.

bai.

ignorant fool

So naturally, I am going to blog about something on Facebook that pissed me off, because that is really all the material I have these days, if I write about work I will be persecuted in the state of Ohio and forbidden to work at said company I would be bitching about. At least, that is what happened last time I tried to make a funny about work.

I think I think I acutally lol'ed today which puts me to shame for all of the other times I typed lol to a friend when I really was thinking, I don't really give a fuck about what you are talking about. But no, today I actually chuckled when I went to this lesbian's facebook profile and saw where her GF wrote, "Happy 3 Months Babe!!!!!" and then as you view her activity right between her liking "Flannel Shirts" and "Home Depot" it said Haiphey Dyke is now single. I would say her name, but she might get all haiphey on me and threaten to "beat my ass at bronz." Nigga, hush. After 3 months of logging on to Fockbook to see statuses between these two girls that read things such as, "I love you baby forever, your eyes show me promises of tomorrow." and "You and me together babe I love you so much you mean the world to me your skin feels like the soft promise of forever." to see that they just celebrated their 3 months and the next day they dipset out of their relationship????

It wouldn't even be as stupid and lesbian and funny as fuck as it was if one of these girls hadn't bitched me out the day prior for tryina "get at her girl." I was told to watch who I fucked with and that I would be getting my asss beat the next time I went out all because I wished some dumb ass bitch lesbian a happy 3 months with her and her dumb trick bitch girlfriend. And maybe tried to flirt with her and told her she was cute... regardless. You all suck. suckkkkk suck suck. And chances are ya'll are still making payments for that uhaul you used two weeks ago! PEACE NUKKA.

gfrh

So I was practicing some witchcraft earlier when my wand broke in half and I was lyke soooo pi$$ed because well, for witches in the 1st realm of the goblet of hytoplex it is really fucking hard to cast spells without your wand. I can do Hexes, hexes are nbd to anyone without a wand really but it was just shitty because on top of all that my broom was out of gas this morning. ;/ bummer

So I really love being a host at a restaurant because when I ask people how their day is they reply to me with a number.

I would get Silly bands in the shape of serial killers...

ughhhhhh I AM SO IRRITATED RIGH TNOW WHERE ARE MY KEYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs

untitled

It's embarassing when:

You pull up to McDonald's drive through and they hand you a large Dr Pepper and small orange drank but you don't have anywhere to put them because last week's to go cups from steak n shake filled with mr pibb are in still in your drink holders.

You ask friend A where the bathroom is at friend B's houses and take a mysteriously long amount of time in this bathroom and then a day later you have a new profile pic, myspace style might I add, of you in the mirror at friend B's house. like bitch... you took the time to take a picture of yourself in the mirror and post it on Fockbook...

you write beautiful soul on your knee on thursday and it is still there monday night...

It's kind of funny and awkward that we all spend the most amount of time looking at our own facebook profiles.

I think that instead of having "It's complicated" as an option for relationships on Facebook we should all just be honest and make it "It's completely fucked up with" or there could be one that is "Blake Jelley is afraid of commitment with Shane Patrick Fairness Duffy" or even better "Lesbian A has feelings for Lesbian B but still wants to sleep with lesbians C-G" because that sounds a little more accurate to me.



let's jump into the deep end for a minute... as I sit here almost coming to tears looking at pictures of my friends and their happiness, they are so simply happy when surrounded by their friends just enjoying their lives, doing what they want to do... and thinking of recent events and all of my friends and their relationships with their families I have decided that I will not have a child. I don't know what the purpose of that would be because parents don't have children because they want to create a human being to live his or her life to the fullest, they create children because they WANT to or because they were wasted and a condom broke. From the beggining it looks like it starts out as already being all about the parents happiness or it was a mistake. Thinking about the side of parents wanting children... they want this perfect little thing to bring them happiness and joy to their lives, but as we age they continue to want that. They continue to want their own happiness. But as well all know, infants grow up into toddlers who grow up into being their own person, hoping that their families instilled good values and life lessons into them, but it's so hard because no matter what there becomes that point of rebellion as a human being. You are 13 and you think you are independant and want to do everything on your own and everything against your parents, no matter what your parents taught you. Nothing ever seems to work out. Accesive rules make kids rebel even harder and when parents try to be a kid's best friend no rules are enforced and the parents even start to provide the kid with alcohol at parties and letting their friends and boyfriends and or girlfriends stay that night and that is when a kid becomes so severely fucked up because they think they are entitled to everything.

I don't know, I am so happy and blessed that a beautiful woman decided to give me life, and despite our mess of a relationship I really think she knew what she was doing. I will always commend her for not shoving anything down my throat, literally or physically. I am so greatful for the lack of religion and her spiritualness of believing in a greater being and letting me decide what I will believe in. I was able to eat what I wanted and was never forced to eat my vegetables and drink milk and shit. As children, we were always laughing and having wonderful times. My family may have our differences now, and I know my mom thinks she did something wrong along the way because of some of my quote un quote behavior and by behavior I mean being a lesbian... but I believe that my mentality and outlook on life and being able to think for myself is what is important. Then around wokring age I got a job and began to learn the value of a dollar. Sure there are days when I am broken down and think "wouldn't it be nicer if I were just born into money and didn't have to worry about things?" but I would never trade any of my financial situations for anything because I know what it is like to work hard for something at such an early age. My accomplishments in life will all mean so much to me because I will always know that nothing was bought for me and that I worked for it all, on my own. I think my parents doa great job of balancing the money help I do recieve, not sure if it is on purpose or not but they help me when I am diar need of it, being parents and caretakers, but I feel so much luckier than all of the kids I know who are bought evertyhing, whose parents pay for college, pay for their cars and all of that nonsense because I feel like I know what it is all about. Appreciating the simple things and wokring hard. Loving and being passionate, because when you don''t have a single fukcing penny in your bank account, but when you have love, passion, and faith, you have everything.

I don't fight, I don't argue, I just hit that bitch with a CACTUS.

I think it's truly sad how insecure and self conscious people are. Maybe it is something you can't help and that I just don't understand, but I think if you really tried, took a deep breath, and realized that what ignorant frat boys think of you doesn't matter, you would be a lot better off.

For instance, I met the saddest girl of my life this past weekend. From the moment I stepped into this creeky house on in clifton she had already blabbed about how boys were about to come over. Like we were fucking 12 and we were calling boys at one of our sleep overs. She was so excited about getting wasted and having the opposite sex within range of her, because that is what she is supposed to like, (when clearly she was making out with straight girl and holding and hands and all over eachother?) Regardless, her and her gayboyfriend left to go get some liquor and asked us what we wanted, we being Caitling and I, and we said nothing.

So Lindsay comes back with some parrot bay (SCHWASTED!?!?) and some off brand ORANGE DRANK. Literally named, "Orange Drink." My heart stopped. My beloved orange drink was in my presence and memories of spduff flooded through my mind. Where is my twinkling star??? Anyways, having drank a few nights before I was really content not drinking and staying sober so I poured myself a delicious cup of oraannggee drannkkk, awaiting it's sweet taste to my beautiful lips. As they met up and the liquid entered my mouth I was filled with nothing but hatred and disgust for this jack ass imposter pretending to be orange drank. Dumbbitchlindsay was so proud of herself for buying something that caitling and I wanted, yearning for attention and acceptance so I immediately spit this joke of a drink out and said "What is this nonsense?!?!"

DBLINDSAY: o0o0o0o That's OranGe DrINkkk guRrLL I goTt it foRr yEwwww!! <3 ***** lolz
ME: THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR A BEVERAGE AIN'T GOT SHIT ON MCDONALDS ORANGE DRINK, AIN'T GOT SHIT.
DBLINDSAY: O0o0o No0o0o0o0o!! do Yew StiLL lyKeee mE??????
ME:of course not.

hahahahaha of course that dialogue didn't go just as I wrote, but it's still funny nonetheless. So then nignorant fool wants MORE alcohol I guess she wasn't fucked up enough to feel pretty so she decides she wants to walk to the liquor store and I am bored out of my mind listening to gay boys talk about hair product and ashton kutcher so I convinced caitling to walk with her and me to the liq stor.

Before we leave, nig is soo starved for some attention and/or some dick. She kept telling us how she is horny and a slut. So she decides to change out of her clothes and into some dressthatreallyisashirt from kohls and wears it with a pair of black boots. She was acting all lyke OMIgoD iS thIs oKaaY I CaNt BeLiEvE I am WeaRiNg ThIs and I was like BITCH SHUT UP I WEAR LINGERIE TO THE CLUB n she was lyke okay...

So you can practically see this girls uterus, she probably should have worn leggins, but then she wouldn't have been lindsay. sad thing is, I am pretty sure her real name is stephanie. Regardless, caitlin and I and bitchface start walking to the liq and I offered to drive a nigress several times as I wanted to holler at some mickey dee's and she said no, OBV because she wanted to be hollered at by some bois but I don't think she understood that "holler" means "rape and kill" nowadays. But like... it was hot... and I don't like to walk in my glittered combat boots so after a few steps and being stared down by an unidentified black man (he will remain anonymous, to protect his rights.) I said, I don't want to go, and caitlin said me neither, and lindZ4lYfe said well I can go by myself and you guys can just go back the house... and we were like... k...

So lindsay left and I had a horrible gulity conscious on me like when I used to use my mom's work laptop to look at porn, well not quite but like if she would have became the next gregory hand email I would have kind of felt responsible but I will just let you all know now that to my knowledge she is not dead. So as time passes by we didnt hear from her and then the cops pull up the house and we are like dear lord saint james above us all lindsay was killed, but no, she gets out of the back and thanks the cops for bringing her hom. NIGRESS GOT LOST AND ASKED THE POPO TO BRING HER BACK. LYKE. GURL. ughhhhhh. she forreallllz irritated me that night.

So fast forward, we walk to a part down the street, caitling, linds n me and we get to this partay and everyone is drinking, wasted, partaying it up and I was sooo thirstt because of the failed orange drank and I busted in that house and was like, "YO, WHO GOT THE DR PEPPER??" and everyone is like who is thie girl in green cargo shorts and black combat boots with glitter on them...? No dr pepper. Mountain dew, and these gross ass boys didnt even have a clean cup in the house everything was a messed, I insisted the host of the party clean me a cup which he wasn't too opposed to doing it. So then caitling and I found some board games upstairs and threw them out the window. jumanji and othello RIP. But then, we found THE CAACTUS.

I saw a cactus plant sitting on the porch of a house across the street and I wanted it for my own personal use. So I made caitling go get it and then we had a photoshoot with cactus while the party was going on. Then we gave the cactus to linsday and she chugged her parrot bay faster than you could say OMGGOD THESE BITCHES HAVE A CACTUS.

Then lindsay was gone for a really long time.

moral of the story: don't buy off brand orange drink. you will get pregnant. and die.

Betty Boop

So today after I got out of the shower I decided to braid my hair for old times sake, and remembered how girl used to braid their hair the night before school and take the braids out in the morning and wear their hair "kinky." What fucked up little middle schooler girl thought that ever looked good?

Then I thought I should probably go on to facebook and make a group called, "Sleeping With Your Hair In Braids The Night Before School So Your Hair Is Curly The Next Day" and see how many people waste nano seconds of their life clicking "Like."

That's when I remembered I had a blog, and I can bitch about all of these nameless people on here.

So another thing that really grinds my gears these days is cell phones. There are all of these commercials out there, mainly for verizon, that are like, "Do you want to Mapquest how to get to your local KFC and sext your history teacher at the same time??? TRY THE DROID!!!!!" Like seriously? Cell phones do wayyyyy too much these days we don't need all of those fucking applications. Pretty soon the next time I have to take a shit I am going to open up the menu on my phone and go to the toilet application and hit transform and Voilà! There is a nice off white porcelain potty for me to do my business in. Calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, myspacing, chatting, online banking, getting the news, how do we even have time to sit down and watch a nice classic movie like The Burbs or even Surfin Ninjas. We don't. Our lives are in these piece of shit plastic shitboxes that cause us so much pain, heart ache, annoyance, and honestly I am just going to admit it, health issues. But now a days something as simple as baking brownies or watching a Days of Our Lives episode is grounds for getting cancer. I never even take the time to look around me and notice I am alive in a beautiful world because I stare at my cell phone screen. And back to heart ache, how many times have we all heard, "He won't call me back, he won't text me back, he won't answer my calls, he got mad because I snuck into his house and cut off a piece of his hair and kept it in a baggie." Like get the fuck up off yo ass and go do somethin bout that double chin of yours n maybe baby daddy will call you back.

Also what the fuck is up with this Greyson Chance kid??? First Justin Beiber and now him? I feel like The Fame Factory is looking for a different venu these days, it seems as though all you need is 3 things 1) Be or look like you are twelve and also look like a raging lesbian at the same time, 2)Sing a cover or a popular song and post it on youtube, and C) Not hit puberty.

What happened to Bleach blonde hair, big boobs, a nice tan, and a bright smile. How the fuck can they tell me one thing and then change the criteria umpteen years later. I am calling my lawyer, I haven't gotten a nice, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN TROUBLE FOR ___ MONTHS, CONRAGULATIONS! card from him in a while.

PRETZEL MONKEY.

My Views On Parents

So our parents buy us cell phones and on day one they tell us to use them for emergencies only. Mom, Dad, you just gave me a device where I can contact whoever I want WHENEVER I want and I will be damned if you are telling me to use it only if I am stranded at the house and have a craving for a dominoes extra cheesy two topping pizza or whatever the hell other type of emergency a 12 year old can have, right? Giving a teenager a cell phone and telling them not to use it to text and call friends is like giving a serial killer a knife and mapquest directions to Jonbenet ramsey's house. Neither of them are going to listen. And both of them are probably going to end up hurting their hands.

Anyways, so then we FINALLY get invited to that popular girl's sleep over sophmore year, and just as the clock strikes midnight and we have finished putting on our make up and high heels and are hopping out of sammi scholl's window to run and get the jack daniels, you call and ask where I am, and if you can talk to sammi's mom. FUCK NO YOU CANT TALK TO SAMMI'S MOM I AM TRYINA GET DRUNK RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. Just like giving us a diary, a cell phone was a just an electronic way to invade our privacy.

"Oh here sweetie, here is this pretty purple plastic Lisa Frank diary with a plastic lock terry schiavo could have broken by mubling "Buggaboo" out her mouth why dont you write all your secrets in here so I can just open it up when you turn 16 and freak out about how you kissed boys." So I take it, I fill it up with all of my middle school secrets and walked my 11 year old ass to the nearest home depot, slammed a 20 down on the counter and asked for a MasterLock with a key slot for 10 bucks and I won't be paying a dollar more. okay, that didnt really happened but it sounded funny. In reality I took a metal lock of a seperate diary and put it on there and kept it in the most secretive place no one would ever, ever dare look. don don don... under my matress! ha yeah right, next to the back of my closet that was about the dumbest place to put ANYTHING from notes to my friends to alcohol bottles years later, why did't I ever learn that if I wanted to keep something secret from my mom I needed to purchase one of those storage plots in the middle of nowhere where like families keep extra lawn mowers and rakes or whatever, I needed extra space for my diaries and pokemon cards. and my magic wands.

back to the topic of cell phones, I hate when our parents call and call and call and we don't answer because maybe we are on the last level of mariok kart and maybe some of us are smoking a joint behind show case cinemas, either way, WE AREN'T READY TO TALK TO YOU AT THE MOMENT, so you call and call anda call and when we finnally, finally answer you SAY OHHHMYYYGAWWWDDDDDD STEVEENNN YOU COULD HAVE BEEEN DEAD IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE AND YOUR FATHER NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pretty sure channel 12 would have let the community know if the body of a missing teen was found dead in a ditch. They are never "dead in ditches" either. Its always backs of cars, dumpsters, you know serial killers these days just keep surprising us. I feel like the next time I open up a box of frosted flakes some missing kids finger from the 80's is going to fall out. This isnt funny....

so you bitch us out when we dont answer your calls and then the one time, THE ONE TIME we actually need to talk to YOU because we are running low on code red mountain dew or we want you to tevo the VMA's because lady gaga is performing, you know ACTUAL EMERGENCIES, your bitch ass doesnt answer!!!!!!

Dont tell me to answer my phone if you aren't going to answer yours.

two wrongs dont make a right and I apologize to all families affect by this blog, The Ramsey's, Schaivo's and any families of missing kid's from the 1980's. my B.

The Fuck?

So I was really tired this morning and this after noon as I was taking a nap, as I kept waking up and re setting my alarm to 1:10pm, 1:25 pm, and so forth. Finally hopping out of bed around 1:30 pm I quickly rushed down the stairs in an uproar about how much I hate school and didn't want to go take a damn test blah blah blah blah. I see my mother quietly sitting on the couch assuming she is being awkward and weird like always and I ask her what's wrong and she told me Fluffy, the family's 15 year old grey-ish silver persian feline friend is sick. You know, we have had our number of puss's over the past years and I have learned that cats live, get sick, and die. Along with birds,fish, sperm, and our grandparents. It is a part of life when you have animals that they will get sick and no longer be able to be with us. I told my mother I was sorry and she asked me if that was all I had to say about our cat dying and I was like YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS DYING! THE BITCH COULD OF HAD THE COMMON COLD LIKE WHAT DOES SICK MEAN TO YOU? I really didn't have time to argue the legistics of my cat's last few years/months/whatever. No one really knows what is wrong, he is a furry friend and I will go pet him soon.Regardless, I didn't have time to argue because I had to get to my test in "How Life Works" at 2:00 pm. "How Life Works"... amI even going to touch on the title of that class...? No. SO I am driving, driving, driving along and all of a fucking sudden I see one of those big yellow flashing arrows that is telling you to get over a lane and there is all of this backed up traffic and I am just like REALLY????I AM SO FUCKING HAIPHEY BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE A TEST AND YOU CHOSE TO DO CONSTRUCTION ON THIS ROAD RIGHT NOW??? IT DONT NEED NO FUCKING CONSTRUCTION.

So I got passed that and I reach McMillian whatever the fuck mcchicken suck my dick street and I CANT EVEN FUCKING DRIVE UP IT!!!!!!!! IT IS BLOCKED OFF LETS PUT SOME NEW BLACK TOP DOWN WE DONT HAVE ANY OTHER USES FOR THIS MONEY PERHAPS THE CITY COULD PROVIDE MY FUKCING HOUSE WITH SOME DAMN MOTHER FUCKING CABLE OR AT LEAST SOMEPIZZA ROLLS CAUSE I AM DAMN FUCKING HUNGRY. So I have to drive ALLLLL THEHHHHEEEE WAY down almost to fucking northside, I should have just gone to Bronz, I would have learned a lot more and there are way cooler people.

So naturally I was a little late to my exam and I walked in huffing and puffing, sit down look at the test, have NO idea what this shit is about, I have let my acedemia go whack lately and so I was like well FUCK. Then there are all these mother fuckers like taking the test and I just have no idea where rRNA likes to hang out on Saturdays you know? SO I bubbled in the few answers I knew, from question 30-60 I answered 1/3 C, 1/3 B, and 1/3 D all in a row. Because my teacher once told me if I dont know the answer and I have a word bank. Use the same word on all 20 questions, because then you will at least get 1 right. That teacher later was fired for snorting cherry jolly ranchers during my OGT, but that is another story for another time.

So I got up after 20 minutes, first one done, obv the kid who didnt study, and I mean I wasnt embarrased,it is no more embarrasssing to leave the test early than it was to arrive late huffing and puffy with these nasty troots and a half clean shirt that reads "Je$u$ is Neat." on the front.

CALL INS ARE WORTHLESS.

I remember in third grade I told my fellows classmates that I didn't play by the rules.

I may not have a clean room, there might be mcchicken wrappers at the bottom of all the junk in my car, perhaps even a hard as a rock couple weeks old bun. There might be dark eyeliner circles forever tattooed underneath my under eyes, and I might not shower everyday. I might have had one too many detentions in highs school, and I might have never been on time to class. I may not have been the head cheer leader or student council president, and I might have gotten kicked off the newspaper staff. (But who is 19 and writing for the Cincinnati enquirer and who still is teaching high school students? ;] ) I might have talked during your classes and been a little obnoxious. I might have cussed out my german teacher on the final day of classes my freshman year. I may have been fired from a job here and there for writing blogs online or not attending CPR seminars. I may have no money in my bank account and the nail polish on my fingers might be two months old.

I may not be perfect in the eyes of most of you, but to someone I am. All of the little imperfections and flaws are what makes me who I am, and I might not play by the rules all of the time, but I sure as hell live my life to fucking fullest every damn day I am alive, from when I wake up, to when I shut my eyes. I know how to stretch out 24 hours into a lifetime. So I may not have gotten straight A's-ever. And I may never accomplish that, but at the end of each day I feel as though I made that day count even more than the one before. I feel like that, is living.

what

I think if we are going to yell at horny teenagers for sexting there should probably be a law that says you can't leave your christmas lights up past valentines day, as both result in angry neighbors.

All of these drag queens on facebook make me want to delete them, and it's not just because they update their status about their next show every five minutes either, a lot of it has to do with their lack of education and horrible, horrible grammar. I am making a vow to be the most educated drag queen The Dock has ever seen.

Don't you think if you got fired from your job this week you should probably stop playing farmville and at least go to like jobmonsterhut.com or something and pretend like you are trying to fix yourself and your situation...?

I think arrogant people are the happiest people.

Some girls were just born with testosterone in their veins... don't judge. JD.

Remember when I put a poster of Chad Michael Murray on my wall? I don't.

we should all stop pretending that facebook is just a social networking site and probably begin to not only offer minors but majors with courses that actually apply to every day life. like if you wanted to be a private investigator, you know reading someone's wall to wall is a lot like investigating crimes accept it's not. at all. and like farmville 101 and happy aquarium classes. we really shouldn't even leave our rooms we can all hang out on facebook every day. no need to bathe, eat, or put on make up since we can live off of this flourescent light beating on my ever so large pupils at the moment.

have you ever noticed that FAILURE spelled backwards is JUSTIN BIEBER?

Just like there is a pizza guy, cable guy, plumber and so forth, I want to be the designated krispee creme woman. whenever someone is out of doughnuts or just wants some, call me or visit my website and I bring you some doughtnuts and stuff.

If you cut your hair you are basically letting everyone know that they won.

Don't beat around the bush.

When you are at a resteraunt and you order and appetizer, chill out first of all. appetizers are for the weak. but chill if you dont have little plates to set your little food on. they are coming. its okay. you don't really need your slushy refilled... you don't. no more ranch sauce. no.

I think we all could learn a lot from that welch's grape juice girl. where did she go anyway?

OMG LYKE?

So I really want to start making "video blogs" or vlogs as chris chrockre and jimmy nuetron would like to call it. So I made one that is about 5 minutes long and I am trying to upload it to youtube as we speak, and it says it is going to take 7 hours. Like wow, I really didn't know it took seven fucking hours to upload a video of myself it's like how much weight have I gained since christmas anyway?

So I am scrolling through faceobok, duh, and people are updating their statuses right now, mind you it is 2:13 am, about HOW EXCITED THEY ARE FOR GLEEE TONIGHT OMGZ.

Like, yeah, its okay to like glee, but, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I swear, people pride themselves on liking things that are "generally" for younger viewers. Like I swear, in highschool all the tricks that have since gotten pregnant, and or fat, used to have satuses about OMGGGG ZACCEFRRRRRON<3

And they thought it was cute. I just want everyone to shut up once in a while and let me holler at some dilliecam. duh. I have horrible horrible issues with people who join facebook groups. Like if everyone didn't already know that you like to flip your pillow over to the cool side at night so you can fall asleep quicker, we do now. and I wanted to thank you for joining that group, so I could know, so I can now, sleep, at, night.

If you send me a facebook chat message... and I don't reply, chances are I am whacking off, or I just don't want to talk to you. Yes, that is for you Eileen. Stop sending me 3,4,5, 12 messages saying "Laura???", "Hello???"

I am going to cyber bully you into next Thursday. It is funny how Facebook is the IMDB of the less famous. And I just want to address all of you "semi-popular" girls out there... come on, don't shake your head. We all know who we are on the totem pole...

so to you wanna be popular girls who take pictures with the actual popular girls at parties and dances and run home and upload them real quick and take the popular girl... it is like you just met Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, and Jason Derulo all at once! Chill, wait a few days... maybe even make THEM tag themselves?? ;) it shows "you don't really care you are TC to tag" and hopefully you will get an invite the next time the cheerleaders all go cabrewing.

I think that is all for me today, oh wait no, let me go join this facebook group called I JUST RANTED FOREVER ONLINE NOW I AM GOING TO RE READ MY RANT AND THEN GO TO SLEEP BUT BEFORE I DO I AM GOING TO FLIP MY PILLOW OVER TO THE COOL SIDE BECAUSE I HATE WHEN ONE OF THE STRINGS ON MY HOODIE IS LONGER THAN THE OTHER.

February 18th, 2010

Remembering back to a Thursday, six weeks ago, I can think to myself that it started off like any other normal Thursday. I probably over slept, from being out the Wednesday night before by doing some ridiculous photo shoot with some people, instead of going to human sexuality class in Swift 500. I was really excited about taking Human Sexuality, especially as a night class. I thought it would be more like a hangout talking about sex, rather than a class. Well, it was pretty interesting but I feel like I knew most of the things my teacher taught me. I already knew about the cycle of sex, and how you get erect, have sex, done. I knew where my ovaries were and I was pretty sure I could locate my clitoris. When sexuality comes along, so does the word HOMO-sexuality, and BI-sexuality, and BI-cycle, and BI-polar and TRI-cyratops. So whenever something was brought up, Harvey Milk behind me would raise his hand and say, "You know I'm gay, tho I don't have anythign againtht anyone, I rethpect all walks of life,..." and then he would answer the question or give his opinion on the topic. Even when the topic had nothing to do with gay people at all. Like, my teacher could ask what time of day it was and he would say, "I'm gay, 6:33."

No before you throw your rainbow ponchos at me, I am not saying anything negative about LGBTQAA culture at all. Infact, I am very informed. I do, however, think that sometimes people make it known a little too much. It's definitely nothing to be ashamed of but, you do not need to tell us your sexuality everytime you answer a question in class. That would be like me raising my hand and saying, "Yeah I am a saggitarius, I have liver spots on my right arm, can I use the restroom?"

Sooooooooo

Most people out there think that five dollars in gas can help them make it home on a rough day from work, or get them to school in the morning. For my friends and I, five dollars in gas is like filling up our tank. It can get us anywhere we want to go as long as that little dial passes up the off orange gas light on the inside of my 2002 navy blue Mazda.

It's all about perception and seeing what you want to see. I once made it home from Ada, Ohio on nothing but $8.76 in gas, stuff I scrounged up from under the seats in my car, a positive outlook, and a pocket full of miracles. Having spent a bad weekend in Ada, and sleeping in my car and waiting until the sun came up and I sobered up enough to drive, I got on 75 South and started driving. Being in Ada, or anywhere different than Cincinnati, all of the radio stations are different. Ironically enough though, no matter WHAT station I went to, every song that played was religious and I remember the lyrics didn't just sound holy, they literally told me to "thank God for the life he gave me, and praise Jesus for the things he did." It was all very literal, and that might have been ONE of the times in my life that I feel perhaps I was getting some sort of message.

Anyway, as I was saying, I feel like I could go wherever I wanted (within reason), on five dollars in my tank just because I believe I can. Now most of you might think this sounds like if I say I believe in fairies that tinkerbell will just pop out of no where. Well, I bet most of you haven't even done that and just to let you know tink is kind of a slut. Regardless, I think we all need to believe a little bit more in the magic and miracles that life could, and does hold for us. We may not see them at first but one day, something happens to us, as individuals that makes us believe in all of those things. Who really wants to live in a world where magic doesn't exist, or the belief of? It is like when I was thirteen and getting ready to go on my first date and my mom spilled the beans that Santa Claus wasn't real. I know, I know what you are all thinking, thirteen IS a little early to start dating but hey, we only live once right? ;) As I was saying, when I found out Santa Claus wasn't real, I was literally mortified, because not only did Santa lose his credibility, but it meant that the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, and Mack, the Special Christmas Duck, all did not exist. I felt like I had been lied to my whole life.

So there is a point in time where magic leaves our lives, most of us around elementary school age, but for me I was thirteen. Yeah, I had entered the stage of bras with cups and I still believed in Santa and his elves, but it was because I wanted to. I liked all of the mysterious magic and the idea behind it. But I do truly believe it enters back into our lives later, and in whatever form you find yourself believing in it, hold it close to you. Don't let it go. You can not let everything go from your adolescent childhood years, or you become dead inside. Hold on to a small portion of something, and always, always remember to laugh. Smiling makes the world brighter.

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw.

Done.

untitled

invisible beauty. the kind of happiness that can not be seen or heard. it just exists. it just is. the most pure and honest form of sincere bliss. the kind of happiness that makes you smile from ear to ear and just think, "I am so happy I could die." invisible beauty. I feel like we are all lucky if in this world if we get to feel that kind of magic. but I suppose it's not really invisible at all, as I can see it with my eyes shut. It's shiny. It's bright. It's beautiful. It exists and is real. We're like a zipper.

Forgive me Gaga, for I have sinned,

I feel that not a single dwelling soul on this hereby declared "earth" should be made to enter such a foul and hasty environment that our predececors deem as "work" on a glorious, triumphiant day like today. The sun in shining and gaga has been beating through my veins all day. I know I am not forced to work, but in this ugly world if you don't work you don't get damn jack mother fucking shit.

Take my family for example, they are saddened by the fact that their precious volley ball manager brunette daughter won't hang out with them anymore. I say this because I visited my mother at the office and she has a very out of date photo of me on her desk. I asked her why she keeps it their, as it is years old and it doesn't even look like me anymore. And she said she likes that version of me best. Well that version of me is fucking gone. I am not a little kid anymore and I certainly did not grow up to be the "Laura" you wanted me to be, but you know what I believe I am something better. I speak my mind, I am true to myself, and I will be doing what I want with my life. Life is too short to do anything but that. Not being true to yourself and living a lie is like committing a slow and painful suicide. I just can't imagine doing that.

Furthermore, my mother and father are upset that I don't spend time with them anymore, but I need money so I can start paying my own bills and such. Like don't choke on your own words, parentals, you can either pay for me to move into my own place, or I am going to sell my ovaries until I can make rent each month. I will not be living in a household with restrictions and rules, because I believe rules are for the birds.

I am still waiting on my manager to call me any day with that movie deal...

_-JUST DANCE-_

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

So here I am trying to cram in an entire quarter's worth of freshman english work into the 45 minutes left I have in the day before I go to work. After sleeping until two, after running out to get chipotle, and after facebooking for a good hour. As I am sitting here drinking a coke zero and finishing these cold beans and rice, my brother interupts me with a piece of mail. Oh cool it's Vogue telling me I am 3 months late with my payment of 15.99 to them, and if I don't pay them soon they will terminate my subscription. Good, that is what I wanted from you in the first place. Here is a little secret, I never intended on paying you shit. You should make people provide credit card information when signing up for your subscription online. I hope Vogue doesn't read this.

Irregardless...

I hate school. I really do not like reading articles about how the technology is affecting the modern society and I REALLY do not like then writing 8 pages about it's rhetoric-ness and giving my own input. I don't like summarizing. I do not liking driving to school in the cold winter weather. I do not like parking in the gross parking garage with the scary squirrels.

I seriously would like school if I could take classes about like fashion, and learn how to glue certain rhinestones onto certain leather vests. I am being completely serious. Maybe I am in the complete wrong program. I want to learn about music, fashion, and art. I wanna play around with make up and glitter until I design something really intense. Like, there has to be a place out there for me, where are you?

My hair is wayyyyyy white. I LOVE purple shampoo. Oh shit. It's 3 am. I have to get up at 9 to go take an exam. Cool. SO like, seriously. Where should I go to like... school. ?

MONSTERS

Colour My World

So I am sitting here in a computer lab on campus, I had to wait in line for about five minutes to actually get a chance to sit down at the computer. It is the end of the semester, monsters are waiting at the door with notebooks and pens in hand with aggarvation written across their forehead. They probably have something due ten minutes ago that they need to print out of finish typing the conclusion for, but I sit here, on facebook, and twitter, and updating my blog. Hahahahahah. It really makes me laugh that I am taking up a computer they might need so I can entertain my readers.

So today was the last day of english class. What? I had no idea. I really still do not like school. I think I have finally got it figured out.

There is one place I belong in this crazy world. The stage. It is something that is completely out of my hands and I don't really want to change it. There has always been something inside of me that has made me the person I am. Different. Unique. Quirky. I like to make people laugh and I have been able to all my life. Even more so than comedy as a profession, I want to be taken as a serious actress. That is something I struggled with in high school always recieving comedic roles. All I want to do is to be on stage and infront of a camera, portraying a character that makes people fall in love, cry, hate, laugh, smile, and feel. I want to move audiences all over the world with the passion and determination that lies within my soul.

So, yes, I know what I want to do with my life. I want to make something of it. The quest of how I will get there and what I will encounter on the way remains a mystery, but that's what life is. It's not about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb. Thank you, Miley.

A night out with the monsters, more pictures to come.

She is the prom queen, I'm in the marching band.

Blog update. I don't like school. Who does? I don't really know if it's a bad thing, but I can't help that I am falling more and more in love with that girl in the mirror everyday. Am I vain? We'll see.

It is almost 2 in the morning and I guess I just have so many thoughts. I feel like there are two trains at the station and I am being forced to board one of them.

The first one, is on it's way to Hollywood, or my quest to become an actress. The second, well it's not really a train but it is my blue Mazda en route to UC to English 101. I feel like I can continue with school, get a degree, and move to a big city and pursue my acting dream then, or I can drop what I am doing and work towards acting now.

Although, I feel like I can't. Money is such an issue when it comes to this. There are also only so many hours in the day. I suppose right now what is important is making that money and getting an education, so I can at least support myself.

I long for the summer. I miss innocence. I want a new kitten.

Also, don't use purple shampoo too often, it can result in greyish purple hair. Thanks.

Season 1

In all great romances on television, it always takes the main characters at least three or four seasons until they finally have their first kiss, even though we see the chemistry from day one. Well, I feel like that is how it is in real life too. Whenever my friends are upset because they are not with the person they want to be with, or that person doesn't like them, I just tell them to think about it as if they are in season one of a television show, and that eventually you end up with the person you are supposed to be with. We all try to rush into things, too often, too fast. Everyone just needs to take a deep breath, take a step back and calm down. Be happy with what you have with that person. No television show starts out with the two people who finally get married in season five already in love, that would be boring. Love, and life, feelings, emotions blah blah blah, it's all about the struggles, triumphs, tears, pain, passion, smiles, hugs, laughter, fights, kisses, and friendships in between. Next time you are freaking out because someone won't text you back two minutes after you texted them, think about how long it took Mike to marry Susan on Desperate Housewives. Stop speeding up life and enjoy it minute by minute.

OFF BRAND UGGS

Today in English we discussed advertisements, and how they appeal to us rhetorically. We looked into why we, as consumers, are drawn and are loyal to certain products or brands. The girl next tot me eventually raised her hand and said, "This is going to sound really stupid, and I know it, I mean it is going to sound so dumb, but, like I know this is stupid, like..., like...," and in my head I am thinking well you can't possibly sound any more ignorant than you already do tripping over your words like a holiday drunk, but I like to go by the rule of their is no stupid question or stupid answer. Lot's of times I sit in class and want to say something, but don't because I feel like people will just look at me, and I don't need that negative attention. Anyway, about a minute later, the dumb girl started to explain to the class that, "If I see a product like boots, I have to have the name brand. That is why for Christmas I asked my dad for UGGS. When I have really expensive name brands, I feel happy inside, and I feel like, if I had like, non name-brands, I would be sad." At that point I looked down at my half price  Target boots and I swear I could almost see a tear drop from one of the eyelets. Then she proceeded to explain some thing about G-Brand watches and how there are cheap ones at Walmart for twenty-five dollars, but unless she has the real expensive name brand watch, she won't be happy. Then, funny enough, they started talking about the North Face fleece brand and sure enough I had a black off-brand North Face that cost all of $15.95 tied around my waste.

I really don't have a problem with name brand clothes, or people who wear them. I have a few, nothing is ever really by choice. I do like fashion and different types of clothing but honestly, as a college student, I'd rather eat dinner. The point of today's lesson in English was to try and figure out why we buy these clothes, and what people perceive about people who have these clothes. I raised my hand and explained that I think it is a status thing, and a money issue. If you walk around wearing UGG boots, a North Face, and a pair of Hollister Co. destroyed denim, [even though that is the only outfit you own ;)], you yourself will think, "Oh, look at me at least people think I am rich," and the people who see you will think you have money as well. When I raised my hand and explained this to the class, they all claim that they do not buy these things for status, or money, and it is just that they are comfortable, sooooo comfortable, so blah blah blah. But what they don't realize, is that there might be a slight to no difference from those damn UGG boots they were wearing, to these just as fashionable, fifty-dollar-less Target boots my mama bought me. The reason they believe all of these things, is because of how the products are advertised, and obviously advertisements are doing their jobs, because it they have effected about 85-90% of the girls, and guys  I have seen around campus. It was funny to sit and watch as their minds all spaced out when asked why they prefer name brands to non names brands, and they couldn't think of anything. All they could think of was the commercials they saw that made them buy the product. So, hats off to all of the advertising and designing commercial industries, you've duped the majority of us.

All you need is Gags

Haha.

I just remembered my senior year lunch table.

Me

Sam

Carley

Ellie

Nick

The Lovely Bones

In the middle of my hectic winter break my mother managed to stop me in between going out with my friends, and running to work, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I hadn't thought about this question since I was about eleven or twelve. I never really wanted anything anymore, besides money, because I need money for the things I need, rather than want. Regardless, I told her I wanted the oh so controversial book written by Tucker Max entitled, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. She said that sounds retarded and asked me what else I wanted. I told her sweat pants, and then I thought of a book everyone had been talking about lately and telling me how amazing it was, and that book was entitled, The Lovely Bones.

Sure enough Christmas Eve comes along and I open one of my presents and there is the precious book itself. I was so excited to start reading again, sometimes I get so busy I forget that I can do things like read. I started the book that evening and right off the bat it was extremely interesting, and included a rape and murder scene within the first fifteen minutes. After that, I became extremely busy with work and did not really have time to keep up with the book but even when I did pick it back up I could never remember where I left off and it was all so confusing about this fantasy heaven world she lives in. I just have some advice for writers, I feel if you open up a book with the sentence, "I was fourteen years old when I was murdered," and obviously the book is written from someone from the other side, you have to keep up that suspicion and intensity through out the entire book. That is why I stopped reading Twilight after the first book, I don't feel like reading three hundred pages to find out something that could have taken a chapter and a half-if that- to explain!

Maybe I should have given the book another chance, but I was at Target and was looking in the memoirs section seeing familiar titles such as Smashed, which if I remember correctly is about a girl who drinks away her adolescent years. Among the titles was a book called, Please Stop Laughing At Me, by Jodee Blanco. I turned the book over to find out it was about a woman who was bullied all the way from kindergarten through high school. She talked about being bullied, and what lasting effects it really leaves on children and teens. I am in the middle of it now and so far am impressed with the writing, but I think I know why she was bullied...